Sometimes, Cobra Kai Wins

Well that’s bound to happen when you dabble in closing after reading some books and taking a few classes at the YMCA. Bobby Parnell is going to get his teeth kicked in by the Washington chapter of Cobra Kai. One can only hope that Dan Warthen’s nickname was Miyagi in a former life.

These are the kind of mind numbing blown saves that one would expect from a young pitcher that’s been given this kind of role for the first time. The hope is that Parnell has the brains to match the 100 mph fastball and learns what not to do. Actually, you don’t need 100 mph fastball brains to realize that out of 18 pitches that weren’t intentional passes, more than seven have to be strikes. And the seven strikes you do throw can’t be hittable. If that’s your situation as a closer, than the choice between pitching to Roger Bernadina or walking him to load to bases to get to Ryan Zimmerman really doesn’t matter. Because the way Parnell was going, either/or would have had the same result.

(Of course, why the hell does anyone pitch to Ryan Zimmerman instead of Roger Bernadina? Riddle me that one, Batman? And don’t remind me that I personally witnessed a game winning grand slam by Justin Maxwell who is currently hitting .260 for *$&#ing Scranton hereby making anything possible. I don’t need the flashbacks.)

All the while I keep asking myself “Gee (not Dillon), if Parnell had gotten to close some games last season, could Saturday night have been avoided?” The answer that I always come to is: “I have no idea but damn you anyway Snoop Manuel … what the %*$# were you thinking?” I answer myself with “Well, same thing he was thinking by keeping Nick Evans glued to the bench while giving Fernando Tatis valuable at-bats, which I’m sure eventually served him well as he tends to the church he opened in the Dominican Republic.” To which I reply “Way to go Jerry, you helped that church but you trashed Ryan Church, you bum.”

Then I realize that I’m having a full conversation with myself and I take my meds.

As for Dillon Gee … a home run to Tom Milone? The opposing pitcher? Making his major league debut? Really? You had to go Donne Wall on me, didn’t you? Didn’t you??!?!!? You know it doesn’t even get to Parnell if you complete the task that should be easy for you, giving up a home run to a pitcher fresh from the minors. (Milone’s hero is Babe Ruth, figures.) I even checked to see if Milone was, say, a pitcher/first baseman at USC and put up ridiculous stats but gave it up to pitch. Nope. He’s a pitcher’s pitcher who’s hitting pedigree is that his hero is Babe Ruth. Awesome.