Forget a minor league rehab assignment. Maybe the next thing to send Oliver Perez to is a vision quest in the woods somewhere. It’s the only thing left.
“The vision quest is a turning point in life taken before puberty to find oneself and the intended spiritual and life direction. When an older child is ready, he or she will go on a personal, spiritual quest alone in the wilderness, often in conjunction with a period of fasting. This usually lasts for a number of days while the child is attuned to the spirit world. Usually, a Guardian animal will come in a vision or dream … “
And I hope that during this vision quest, the guardian animal eats Perez. Then, I hope he comes to the stadium and eats Snoop Manuel for letting Perez anywhere near a close situation, and then when he amazingly got out of it, let him back out there again. Then, before he makes another stupid trade, I hope the guardian animal eats Omar Minaya. Because obviously, the vision quest I went on had deprived my senses to the point where Friday’s win was a mirage. So much for Jason Bay’s catch and Manuel’s ejection “lighting a fire” under the team. Because real fire would result in, oh I don’t know, more than one hit against the likes of Jack Taschner, Jeff Weaver, and for crissakes Travis Schlichting and George Sherrill.
The guardian animal can start snacking on some of the position players if things don’t change in a hurry.
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