The “Shut Your Mouth” Tour Continues

The Mets went full Ric Flair on the San Francisco Giants tonight, walloping them 13-3 on Buck Showalter’s birthday. If you missed the game, and judging by how many of you whine about west coast start times on Twitter many of you did, here’s a quick recap:

Brandon Crawford smacked a two run HR off David Peterson in the bottom of the second, but Peterson was stellar beyond that, only giving up those two runs on three hits and a walk in six innings. The Mets responded immediately in the third. With two outs and a runner on first, Brandon Nimmo and Starling Marte reached on infield singles before Francisco Lindor popped one up to short left field towards the line. An actual left fielder probably makes that play. A first baseman posing as a left fielder flails at the ball and falls into the netting in left field whild coming close to maiming a fan in the first row of the stands. That’s what Darin Ruf did, as Lindor tied the game. Then came Pete Alonso, who promptly took a curve ball and smacked it into the stands for a three run HR to make it 5-2, and that was pretty much all she wrote.

The Mets good play this season is, so far, shutting a lot of the LOLMets people up. As the Mets extended their lead on Monday night, they did so quite literally.

Woo.

They also scored some runs off of someone named Luis Gonzalez. He’s not a pitcher, and he threw 42 mph eephus pitches, which is probably the only way to stop the Mets long term. Make them change their swings to hit softball pitches, putting them in deep slumps the rest of the season. So if they can’t hit all of a sudden, you’ll know why.

Today’s Hate List

The report that people around the league think that the Mets will be suitors for Aaron Judge this off season.

Let’s get this clear once and for all: The Mets aren’t signing Aaron Judge.

Maybe some agent will put Lord Steven in a special mood at some point this winter, and he’ll pretend to want Aaron Judge and drive up his price for the Yankees or Giants or Cardinals because “feeling cute, might piss off a team executive today, idk.”

But anyone with half a brain will look at Spotrac and see that the Mets’ payroll goes down to just $54 million in 2025, when Juan Soto is a free agent. This isn’t a coincidence. All of those players the Mets signed this off season from Max Scherzer to Mark Canha come off the books in 2025. You starting to put it together yet?

The sensationalistic pursuit of your clicks and engagements never end. Come back tomorrow for another game recap.