The Swallows of Capuano

The reclamation project is finally here!

What, you expected something better?  Don’t make me laugh.  But the Mets finally have their starting pitching help, and as expected, they took a flier on somebody that has previous arm problems.  But it isn’t Chris Young or Jeff Francis … no, it’s Brewers lefty Chris Capuano.  Hey, he was once pretty good.  He won 18 games in 2005, and had better splits in 2006.  Unfortunately, he didn’t pitch in 2008 or 2009, when he was rehabbing the various injuries in his shoulder, going through different ways to win with a 37 mph fastball in the recesses of his mind, and walking the beaches of South America in an effort to “find himself”.

What he found was a new employer, and a chance to start in the only place that could afford a place to give him that chance, all the while training with Nick Evans.  The ironic part was that he’s spent the winter training with Evans, and still thought the Mets was a team of opportunity.  Obviously, Evans was a good company man and kept his personal experiences to himself (either that or he just said “yeah Chris, Snoop’s gone … it’s safe.”)

While Capuano isn’t even the poor man’s Cliff Lee, but rather the poor man’s Jeff Francis (disheartening in and of itself), why spend any more money for Francis or Young when all they really need is a guy to eat innings in 2011 … well maybe not so much eat them but chew them up and spit them out … in an effort to get the calendar to 2012 as quickly as possible?  Why spend extra money for Francis or Young when they have almost the same injury risks as Capuano anyway?

Oh that’s right, because Young still has a fastball that at least approaches human body temperature.  I mean, far be it from me to blast junkballers … after all, R.A. Dickey’s knuckleball is kinda cute.  But Dickey’s pitch is like the lost pedestrian on the Garden State Parkway who provides a laugh for the passengers looking for a distraction on those long drives to Atlantic City, while Capuano’s fastball resembles the 92-year-old driver with his blinker on for three miles that just gets in the way and begs to be hit.

By the way, Capuano against the Mets: 0-4 with a 6.35 ERA.  In a season where the Mets can use all the bogeys they can get, they instead sign one of them.  Awesome.

Also coming to the Mets from the makers of Mike Maddux (the less accomplished brother of Greg) is Taylor Buchholz, another guy who strolled the beaches in 2009 and is the less accomplished distant cousin of Clay.  Both pitchers have had Tommy John surgery, which clearly means that the next pitcher the Mets sign will be Tommy John himself.  I’m sure if he works out for a month he can throw a fastball as hard as Capuano.

I didn’t realize that being out of baseball in ’09 qualified one for a major league contract in 2011.  Hey, I was also out of baseball in 2009, and bonus: my rotator cuff is shot.  I’m by the phone.

Of course with two guys coming, one guy has to go, and that guy is Ryota Igarashi, another one who seemed to lose about 40 mph off his fastball after an injury (and not even to his arm, his freakin’ hamstring … of course.)  Somewhere, Keith Hernandez is shedding a tear that is dripping on to a tootsie roll.  The good news is that Igarashi can come back as a non-roster invitee which is quite possible because who the hell else is going to sign him?  Besides, with a nickname like “Swallows Man“, I’m sure he can find “other work” if this baseball thing doesn’t work out.

What?  I was talking about wine taster.  Perv.