Tree Killers

E-mails are supposed to save trees … at least that’s what Al Gore tells us all the time.  But if an e-mail existed that was so pointless, and such a waste of time and mailbox space that somebody would leave his or her computer and senselessly murder a tree (or at least rip a couple of branches off one), the following, which I and other Mets fans received, is that e-mail:

Dear Mets Fans:

As you may know, earlier today we completed the initial round of interviews with six talented candidates to become the new General Manager of the New York Mets.

Each was extremely impressive – Allard Baird, Rick Hahn, Josh Byrnes, Sandy Alderson, Logan White, and Dana Brown. All reiterated their desire and interest in pursuing this opportunity.

We will be in direct communication with each as we narrow the candidate pool by early next week. We subsequently will invite the leading candidates back to meet with Fred, Saul, and me.

We have an outstanding group from which to select our new General Manager. We look forward to sharing more information with you soon.

Sincerely,

Jeff Wilpon
COO

Thanks.  Thanks for the interoffice memo which basically told us nothing.  Because that’s all this is.

“As you may know, earlier today we completed the initial round of interviews with six talented candidates to become the new General Manager of the New York Mets.”

Why yes I did know.  In fact it was tweeted no less than 15 times before I saw this e-mail.  But thanks for the breaking news.

“Each was extremely impressive – Allard Baird, Rick Hahn, Josh Byrnes, Sandy Alderson, Logan White, and Dana Brown. All reiterated their desire and interest in pursuing this opportunity.”

Thanks for telling us that each was extremely impressive.  I expected you to tell me that two of them were “extremely impressive”, three others were just merely “impressive”, and one of them should be washing cars in Des Moines.  That’s what I thought you would say. (Not really.)

We will be in direct communication with each as we narrow the candidate pool by early next week. We subsequently will invite the leading candidates back to meet with Fred, Saul, and me.

Thanks for that important caveat, because I thought that all six might get hired.  After all, you said yourself they were all extremely impressive.  And how will you narrow the candidate pool?  Perhaps a trip to Walter Reed to see who shows up and who doesn’t.

We have an outstanding group from which to select our new General Manager. We look forward to sharing more information with you soon.

Great.  When you share this information, please advise whether Josh Byrnes had cream cheese or butter with his bagel during your lunch.  I feel I would take more away from your e-mail knowing that than I did here.

Jeff Wilpon is the last person I want to hear from regarding the Mets.  I could care less that he’s pretty much the only ranking official left to tell us anything, I don’t want him to be the mouthpiece for anything much less the state of this baseball team.  He’s going to lead the ship with a steady hand after he’s been widely regarded (and regarded by this useless blogger) as having caused all this?  That’s like Braxton Bragg sending out a note via Pony Express parchment in 1875 that the South would rise again.

What’s next … a mass phone message at 3:16 AM?

More than that, it speaks to an ever growing problem in society when the people who we entrust most things we hold dear spend more time announcing the things they are going to do rather than just getting them done. Yeah, it’s nice to know the process.  But what does this e-mail tell us besides that you’re alive?  Does it make me feel better about the on-going search?  Does it serve a purpose other than to flood my inbox? No.  So leave me alone until someone is hired.  Then I’ll care.  But if you’re going to send me an e-mail as if I’m an employee and not a fan, then I should be seeing your signature on a paycheck rather than a “Flushing Flash”.

I could be their environmental consultant.  It’s not like they don’t have an extra $3.1 million lying around. (Oh yeah, that’s going to Bobby Bonilla.)