The last thing the Mets needed at this moment in time was a third straight day with an injury to an important player. So when the Mets got a man up in the bullpen after the second inning, my heart sank for Taijuan Walker.
Then I was thinking, who the hell is this guy warming up in the bullpen? I mean, he looks like Trevor Williams. But he’s wearing some weird number. Okay, who did the Mets acquire that really wanted 29? Is Steve Trachsel back?
Then I see him walking and it’s obviously not Trevor Williams. He starts to walk in and I’m thinking “when the hell did Jason Momoa learn to throw a slider and fall in love with carbs? (Editor’s note: Even fine tuned athletes when standing next to Jason Momoa look like carb factories so it’s not a knock. If anything, he should be flattered that I thought of Aquaman when I saw him.) Turns out it was somebody named R.J. Alvarez who hadn’t pitched in the majors since 2015, so good on him for sticking with professional baseball … it’s as if he knew that in 2022 Buck Showalter was going to need a pitcher to come up because someone was going to strain his side. So let’s stick with this baseball thing.
I mean, look at this guy! It’s Aquaman!
R.J. Alvarez is coming on to pitch in the 3rd inning for the Mets.
Taijuan Walker lasted 2 innings, only throwing 32 pitches. pic.twitter.com/cXUljy4sP8
— SNY (@SNYtv) August 17, 2022
Except I’m sure that this isn’t what Carb Load Jason Momoa had in mind for his first appearance in seven years, being thrust into a pennant race in the third inning because Walker had back spasms (and only back spasms, thank goodness). He gave up a dinger to Robbie Grossman in the third, and then in the 4th, he gave up a two run home run to Matt Olsen that was hit so far it reached the Waffle House and got a connecting flight to LAX. You could feel the air let out of the fan base at both ends. Along the way on his misadventure, he almost hit Ronald Acuna in the head once, almost hit Dansby Swanson on the head twice, and one of those turned into a caught stealing when Michael Perez threw the wild pitch to second base to get him after the ball that almost ended Swanson’s life caromed back to Perez. This begged the question: who the hell is Michael Perez?
But even if Taijuan Walker’s back muscles were made of breathable steel wool and Carb Load Jason Momoa had Aquaman’s Abs and Clayton Kershaw’s slider, it wouldn’t have mattered because Charlie Morton was throwing wiffle ball out there and the Mets had no idea what to do against him. And even when they got Morton out of the game, Jeff McNeil struck out against Dylan Lee as the tying run in the 7th, and that was essentially your ballgame. In that same inning, Michael Perez was struck on the head with a foul ball and left the game in the next inning. I didn’t know who Michael Perez was in the third inning, but by the time the 8th inning game, I’m missing him terribly and had a zoom prayer circle for him.
So the Braves have taken the first two games from the Mets in this series while hitting against mostly Syracuse Shuttle middle relievers, guys who have been in the minors for seven years, and Darin Ruf. Congratulations to them. They’re so giddy that they’re handing out eight year contracts to rookies. Awesome. I’ve said it the last time the Mets were on the ropes, and it worked out well: The Mets got Max Scherzer for games like Wednesday’s game. And the guy in back of him isn’t bad either. Now if the Mets could hit for them, that would be nice.
The New York Mets are calling up highly regarded prospect Brett Baty, sources tell ESPN. He's expected to join the team in Atlanta.
— Jeff Passan (@JeffPassan) August 16, 2022
Yes, we’re talking about you, Brett Baty. You. Save the franchise, win the World Series, and do it in a maximum of three swings tonight. No pressure.
Today’s Hate List
- Matt Olsen
- Chip Caray
- Hologram Harry Caray
- Ronald Acuna
- Michael Harris
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