Jingling Keys

You’re not fooling me, Brodie.

With the news that Carlos Beltran will be the next manager of the New York Mets, I want to make something clear … and it goes back to what I said a couple of weeks ago: I’m not in a position to determine whether Carlos Beltran will be a good manager or not. He’s never managed before, he’s never coached before. Yet experience isn’t as crucial now as it once was, apparently. So this could be a home run hire. Or, it could be a complete disaster. I’m inclined to break it down like this: If the Mets motives are about winning, then this will work. If the Mets motives are to hire a heat shield for Brodie and jingle the car keys to distract the fan base, then maybe it works out but probably not. A house is only as good as the foundation it’s built upon so I’ll let you decide if that foundation is brick or mud.

But … and I’m pointing the rest of this directly to you, Brodie Maguire … you don’t have me fooled. You can’t let leak your intentions to the preferred beat reporters that the front office is going to have a strong hand in the daily lineups and what the roles are for players, and then expect me to get excited about Carlos Beltran because he’s a Mets legend and a bright mind. This isn’t going to work because he was a great player, and this isn’t going to not work because he struck out against Adam Wainwright. Because none of that matters, Brodie. None of it. And you’re not going to fool me with the “Terry Collins as bench coach” nostalgia because of a viral video that leaked two years after it happened. Because if you think that Collins is going to be the difference between Beltran being a great manager or a bad manager, then Jim Riggleman would like to have a word with you.

This is on you. You got what you want. You hired your person, which I’m sure in part is the Wilpons’ person because they’re already drawing up the marketing schematic that will center around the “prodigal son” (in quotes because he actually tasted success after he left). Now it’s up to you to surround him with those great people that are going to be put in the roles that you draw up. I’ll give you a hint: It’s going to take more than Terry Collins to make Carlos Beltran a great manager. It’s going to take a few upgrades on the roster. Here’s another hint, buying high on a closer isn’t going to get it done this time. Neither is Tanner “Glowing Mammaries” Roark.

You got the front man, you got the bench coach, you have the power you wanted. Now it’s up to you and High Priest Jeffy Gabagool to decide whether you want a team that can overtake the Braves and the Nationals in the N.L. East, or whether you want a team that’s going to win 86 games and keep the carrot just ahead of your fan base so you can sell $7 Marcus Stroman tickets or whatever number he’s wearing this season. (I’m sure you’ll decide that too.)

You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you’re not going to fool this idiot, this time.