You don’t turn your back on an output of solid Eagles conspiracy theory—so today we welcome back Ben from Australia (aka Benoni Watt, aka Beanstalk, aka Ranga Timing, aka The Swilled Donk) who has outdone himself with this one. This young man is a churnin’ urn of burnin’ funk content right now, and I ain’t gonna be the one to hold him back.
My favorite Bee Gees tune of all time is “I Started a Joke”— now here’s Ben from Australia with his remake entitled “I Started a Joeckel”…
“Luke Joeckel – A First to Worst, $21,201,598 Sob Story.”
You know what I reckon his BIGGEST career problem is? He got drafted by a dumpster fire of a team… with an owner dude with a brain as wacky as his moustache…..and NO grip on his Front Office. They fired Tom Coughlin 2002, who, turns out after 2 SB victories…knows some footy stuff….so he gave him a Jab this year again… Then he fires Jack Del Rio, who won me over as a fan this year…Raiders were great entertainment! Whoops again!
“Anyhoo….2013 Luke Joeckel goes 2nd overall, Fisher 1st and our drug addict RT Lane (4th?) ‘seemed’ like the Lucky pick!!!(till this year). Luke is 21…and he got a $21,201,598 Guaranteed Contract. They start him at RT, which he had never played. His First Center is Brad Meester. 5 games in, Luke winds up fracturing his ankle and missing 11 games in his 2013 rookie season, which is Gus Bradley’s too as a Head Coach. They go 4 – 12 for the year. Noice Tank!
“Luke, with 2nd Center Mike Brewster, and Rookie QB Bortles…Played ALL 2014, which was that Bad they fire the O-line Coach finally!! They finish 3 – 13. New O-line coach, Doug Marrone who is also “the writing on the wall”, as the Assistant HC and given Gus’s 7 – 25 start to his career there.
“New season, new Center, 6th round draft pick, Luke Bowanko (He gets hurt, Wiz replaces him). Luke Joeckel gets hurt for a couple of games in 2015, but gives up 7 sacks instead of 8 like in 2014…yet in two less games. The power struggle is in full swing between Marrone and Gus Bradley, as the team turns in a 5 -11 Season. Dunno how much O-line coaching he is doing at this point….just recall Bortles running for his life, everytime they showed any Jags highlights.
“2016… Wiz comes here, they cut Zane Beadles (the only consistent guy playing next to Luke for 2 whole years in a row!!) and sign Kevin Beachum, a 7th round draft pick for the Steelers, who has spent HIS last 4 seasons on minimum League wage but in a HEAVENLY Coaching situation,Vet QB, Pouncey as the Center..
“On March 9, 2016, Beachum became a free agent and was ranked by PFF as the second best free agent offensive tackle behind Cordy Glenn.” Then 6 days later, the Man finally got Paid.
“On March 15, 2016, the Jacksonville Jaguars signed Beachum to a one-year, $5 million contract that includes a four-year, $40 million option with $1.5 million guaranteed.” (Not a big contract at all really, which set up the moneyball play to come.)
“Bradley claimed it was a battle for the LT job, but declared Kevin the winner, and decided to move Luke to LG, where he had never played before, next to his Latest Center, Brandon Linder (5th in less than 4 years! No wonder Bortles is a nervous wreck too!) Luke lasted just 3 games before getting his knee smashed. Kevin got his ‘Welcome to Jacksonville’ story, with this feather in his cap “Beachum finished his first season with the Jaguars starting in 15 games and was considered a disappointment after surrendering 49 quarterback pressures”. They went 3 – 13.
“The ploy was simple when you look at it from Gus’ job perspective. 11 Wins and 35 losses to start the season, and a number #2 Overall guy drafted Vs a 7th rounder who had proven himself the Hard way, and after $450 000 a year was EXCITED about 5 Million for a Season as a starting NFL LT. Luke was on a contract year, and they could have picked up his 5th year on the #2 overall’s bo-koo money contract?….Or call him a Guard and try and pay him like one!!! The ultimate salt in the wound to wrap it all up.
“Luke Joeckel has been a game winner 6 times in the NFL in 4 years and a Loser 27 times (not counting the injuries and faux-LT competition). Poor Gus Bradley gets sent packing with Marrone laughing his ass off, all he had to do was torpedo the O-line for a couple of years to land another Head Coaching job!!!!! DASTARDLY!!! Lets see how the Fraud goes in 2017 without Schwartz.
“And finally, the funniest ‘Spotrac Market Value’ calculator I have seen, and when I first saw it, I thought it was a typo, and it spawned the following investigation that you are now reading…..
“The Joke? I am sorry to say, is on Luke Joeckel, but you GOTTA be fair to the Millionaire, 21 times over at 25… The percentages of him playing 33 games out of 64 aren’t kind, Scroll down and compare his averages to Cordy Glenn and our Brandon Brooks.
http://www.spotrac.com/…/luke-joeckel-12282/market-value/
“They recommend to pay him $1.8 million a season!!! He WILL get something like Brandon Brooks and Beachum combined, I reckon, and that is a One year ‘prove it’ contract for 6 Million maybe?—and a clause for the team to make it a decent 4 year deal of around 10 Million a year. That’s great for us because (A) He proves he is legit; (B) Peters retires, and (C) We have a genuine LT reserve as depth, with 33 nightmarish games under his belt, highlighted with 16 sacks and two season ending injuries. Welcome to the NFL!!!!
“Somewhere Kevin Beachum is stifling a 7th rounder’s laugh…but not too loud, cause he has 4 more years left playing for the Jags and Marrone!
“My conclusion to all this….YAY!!!!!! Can we sign this emotionally damaged guy and revive his career? Absolutely. He had a stellar two college years at Texas A&M, and turned Pro at 21!!! And if it wasn’t for bad luck?—he wouldn’t have had ANY luck at all in his Pro career, according to the crazy evidence above. Five Centers in 4 years to start with? Nobody you could find, even down to pee wee league or armchair coaches or someone as criminally stupid about O-lines as Chip Kelly, would do that to a rookie QB. In 2010, Zane Beadles was a top 5 O-line prospect and became a pro-bowler by 2012, after Broncos drafted him in the 2nd round….didn’t miss a game in 6 years straight?!?! Marrone cut him 6 months before trying to move Joeckel to LG in his place in camp. They also let Wiz hit free agency, when it’s clear he is an adept, proven NFL starter and at LEAST wise depth insurance…I wonder just how would Marrone have pitched THOSE ideas to Gus as good ones? There is a dozen dubious moves that all point back to the O-line pattern of failing first and Bortles next. The Last and most damning clue, is Beachum, who proved he could play for a tough Steelers team already at the NFL level, taking THAT guess work away that Joeckel was the problem. The poisonous back-channel covert war was Marrone vanquishing Gus with REALLY world class treachery. I wonder if Gus even KNEW he was in a War?!? IF Luke is upset how it all went down, he SHOULD BE ecstatic he is finally FREE from that Front Office and the worst four years of his life!!!!!”
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