Chances are that many reading this article know someone that identifies as gay or lesbian – perhaps a friend, family member, or coworker. It’s also safe to say you might know someone not completely “out of the closet” , and only acknowledges their sexual orientation with a select few people or social circles.
At one point or another, just about everyone that’s attracted to the same-sex has that moment of “coming out.”
Arriving at this moment can often be a difficult and sometimes heart-wrenching decision. There are many factors that will go into the decision to make the announcement, or alternately, to stay silent and and that decision is personal and unique to that individual. Amid the growing acceptance of homosexuality in America and the increasingly louder rallying cry for LGBT rights, it is disheartening to know that there are still many who struggle with their sexuality in silence, and it may also be surprising to some that a good number of these people could be people that are recognizable such as– athletes, politicians, and celebrities, alike.
In a time when voices of influence are desperately needed to fight against the prejudices faced by gays and lesbians, there are many who feel that public figures have an obligation to come out to the world. But is it fair for us to expect them to do so, or in voicing these demands or even ‘outing’ these individuals, could it be that we are violating their personal rights?
Allow me to first tell you a bit about myself. I’m nearly 29 years old and I identify as bisexual. Raised in a somewhat religious and conservative family in a blue-collar suburb of Cleveland, there was not a whole lot of diversity to be found. I dated boys while growing up and never felt the need to rock the boat and reveal my dual-gender attraction to either my parents or my friends. So I graduated at the top of my class, and then moved on to that time-honored hotbed of experimentation: college!
That’s when I met several others that were like me that did not fit into the heterosexual binaries whom identified as gay, lesbian, bisexual, and even one transgendered guy. Even while I was in a relationship with a guy throughout most of my college years, for the first time I felt like I could come out of my shell and be open about my sexuality with my new friends. After college, it got even easier.
Fast-forward to late summer of 2012: my sexual preferences had changed (more on that in a future article…it’s complicated) and I found myself seeking other women to date and spending more and more time involved in the lesbian community of Cleveland. Through an unfortunate (or fortunate – you be the judge) technological glitch, a Facebook post of mine in which I mentioned my bisexuality got seen by my parents, and I very suddenly had a lot of explaining to do.
My ‘coming out’ was forced by circumstances that I had inadvertently created myself. It was a terrifying moment at first – I have always been very close with my parents, and my greatest fear was that I would lose their love and support because my sexual orientation did not align with their Christian beliefs – but in the end, their love for me won out, and thankfully, I found the acceptance I so desperately needed. Most of my good friends already knew about it, so it wasn’t a shocker to them. Similarly, it was smooth sailing at work. In the State of Ohio – where anyone can be terminated because of their sexual or gender identity – I am very fortunate to work for a company that not only provides same-sex partner benefits, the company also employs LGBT individuals, such as my manager, whom I admire very much.
Compared to many, I had it incredibly easy. Not everyone escapes the coming out process unscathed – there are teens that end up running away or forced out of their homes by abusive parents, and there are also those who stand to lose their jobs. Fearing those consequences, these individuals remain closeted and silent, despite the growing discourse of acceptance for LGBT people and of our struggle for civil rights.
Tragically, these people often feel ashamed of themselves, praying that their private lives will remain a secret from the rest of the world. Regardless of their reasons or their circumstances, a person’s decision to remain in the closet is always a deeply personal one and I would argue that it is something that should be respected and upheld by those who are privileged to know that person’s sexual preference.
Sadly, this is not always the case.
In the age of social media outlets, gossip has a way of traveling faster than ever before. This is not only clear in my own coming out story, but in the stories of many others – regular people like you or me, but more often than not, celebrities and other public figures.
Since the dawn of its creation, Hollywood has had one of the largest (and most secretive) lesbian and gay communities in America. Though there are countless actors and entertainers that are openly gay, even today there are dozens of others that are rumored to be gay and yet stay secretive about it. There are some in the spotlight that willingly spill gossip to the hungry columnists and reveal others’ sexual orientations, and if ever questioned about it, more often than not, the person doing the ‘outing’ will defend themselves by saying that staying in the closet does a disservice to the LGBT community’s fight for civil rights and mainstream acceptance.
As much as I hate to admit it, there’s some truth to that statement. Though the world has been blessed with Ellen and Portia, Neil Patrick-Harris, Chaz Bono, and a plethora of other proud-to-be-out celebrities, the fact that there are still likely dozens of public figures who refuse to discuss their sexual identity is sending mixed signals to the closeted LGBT youth and others who stay silent.
It’s important to remember that just because these people are famous, they are still human beings who deserve to be treated with dignity, and they still have very important things at stake, just like the rest of us – their families and their livelihoods, being the most vital. That being said, this is a critical time in our history as a nation – we seem to be at the brink of the fight for same-sex marriage rights and anti-discrimination legislation, and yet, almost half of Americans state that they are against homosexuality.
In order to win this civil rights battle, we need all hands on deck – LGBT people, and their families and friends.
Before I go, I’ll say this. I believe that courage is contagious, and enthusiasm is like wildfire. If even just a few more celebrities were to publicly come out, it could very well inspire those of us who admire them to do so ourselves, or to become involved with our communities to enact positive changes. Coming out is, of course, a personal decision and one that should never be taken lightly (and should never be forced by others); however, being honest and open about one’s sexuality has the potential to erode at the stigma that homosexuality still bears and to open the hearts and minds of those who remain against it.
This is how we will persevere!
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