So since we are all tired of wild card analysis and playoff predictions when we still have a ways till they start, I thought I’d write about something completely different.
If we took famous superheros from comic books and beyond, who would play where in the field and what would the batting order be? Now this is obviously hypothetical and I do understand that Superman as well as a few others could play every position on the field at once and hit a home run every time up to the plate, but this is supposed to be a fun exercise so don’t be an ass. And in order to get more superheros involved we are including the DH.
Starting pitcher: Batman. This was a tough decision as Batman is maybe the most popular superhero ever and some may say he doesn’t belong in the starting role. What it came down to was Batman is one of the few superheros who throws things, and with Batman on the mound you have someone like Nolan Ryan; the team believes it will win every time he pitches.
Closer: The Human Torch. This one was easy, he throws fireballs, literally. All a closer needs is one dominant pitch (see: Mariano Rivera) to be successful and the Human Torch fits that perfectly.
Reliever: Green Lantern. Although he doesn’t really throw things, he can control the ball’s path with his mind. He may not inspire the same confidence as Batman, especially after the Ryan Reynolds movie, but he is a great option coming Off The Bench (see what I did there?).
Other Pitchers: Gambit, Green Arrow, Wolverine.
Catcher: Captain America. They call the catcher the field general; who better than a USAF Captain to lead the charge? He also is clearly the choice for captain on the team and we all know catchers make better leaders than any other position. Plus he is awesome at blocking.
1st Baseman: Mr. Fantastic. Doesn’t move very quickly but is incredibly flexible and has an unbeatable stretch.
2nd Baseman: Robin. The ultimate sidekick deserves a spot on the field worthy of his sidekickedness. The 2nd baseman is not the best fielder and usually not the best hitter but is a great fielder nonetheless and once he gets out of the shortstop’s shadow develops his own greatness.
3rd Baseman: The Hulk. Big strong and can react incredibly fast for his size. The hot corner would be less hot with him there as balls hit his way would seem like gnats compared to the Hulk.
Shortstop: Spiderman. Clearly has the best range, with his web slinging and probably the most agile. Not expected to be a great hitter but with his defensive prowess he doesn’t need to contribute at the plate. I’d love to see him run onto the field and do some backflips a la Ozzie Smith.
Left field: Iron Man. Great range and a quality arm, plus where do you put diva’s that aren’t shortstop, in left field. See Alfonso Soriano, Manny Ramirez. You can leave him out in left to be his rogue self all he wants and he won’t bother anyone.
Center Field: The Flash. The fastest man on Earth has to play center right? He doesn’t need the arm although he does have one and just try to have a bloop single fall on the Flash; won’t happen.
Right Field: Superman, I know you were waiting for him to pop up and you didn’t think it would be here but it makes the most sense. Right fielders in the MLB are great defensive Outfielders, see Ichiro, and need an amazing arm, see Vlad Guerrero, and also have to hit well. Superman fits all those categories and then some, its his natural position.
DH: The Thing, he is less agile than the Hulk but is clearly the first off the bench for both catcher and 3rd base.
Lineup:
1. The Flash
2. Spiderman
3. Superman
4. The Hulk
5. Iron Man
6. The Thing
7. Captain America
8. Mr. Fantastic
9. Robin
Manager: Professor X, Clearly the only choice for manager.
General Manager: Beast, Smarter than almost everyone in the world and you know would have beaten Billy Beane to the punch on all the sabermetrics stuff.
Third Base Coach: Alfred, doesn’t need to do much but always has sage advice and makes the right decisions in crunch time.
Owner: Lex Luthor, I know I know he’s a supervillan not a superhero, but think of this team as the Yankees with all the best players, Stienbrenner was definitely Lex Luthor.
Sideline/Locker-room reporter: Lois Lane.
Umpire: Cyclops, come on too easy.
-David Ringold
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