If I Had a Billion Dollars…

Admit it. When the Powerball hits $500 million, you’ve thought about how absurd it would be to take that home – even if, like me, you never buy a lottery ticket. But indulge me for a moment; if you won the lottery and could suddenly buy a lottery team, which team would it be?

Now, a lot of this is based on personal preference. As such, there are a few categories that we should look at before making a decision about which team we want to blow a few hundred million or even billion dollars purchasing. You’re blowing a ton of money, so we might as well have some context for that expense.

Location

Full disclosure: I live in Wisconsin and prefer it here to other places I have visited, including most places south of here. Phoenix has scorpions and it regularly goes way over 100 degrees which is very warm. Florida is Florida, therefore teams like the Orlando Magic are immediately ruled out.

Media

There are a lot of horror stories about what happens to a majority of newly-rich lottery winners. Getting robbed, going bankrupt, dying – it isn’t pretty. The struggle of suddenly having too much money and the potential notoriety that comes with it can be magnified by the media. Do you want one of the many tabloid-level publications in New York City constantly trying to stir up drama around your team with the extra ammo of your meteoric rise to riches? This is also a convenient excuse to take a hard pass on two of the ugliest ownership opportunities in the league. The Knicks have Kristaps Porzingis, but little else for the long term. The Nets are just now getting smart about digging out of the trash heap they put themselves into and it’ll be a long time before they offer anything to be enthusiastic or optimistic about. You don’t need that weighing on your conscience along with all your newfound friends and long-lost relatives that are seeking a handout from their billionaire buddy (that would be you).

Price

We’ve already established that you became disgustingly wealthy, like Tyler Johnson levels of throw-up wealthy. Still, you probably shouldn’t throw every last penny to your name into a team. Dropping a cool $2.5 billion on the Lakers for Brandon Ingram, maybe D’Angelo Russell or Jordan Clarkson and another lottery pick is robbery. No matter what Forbes says, you’re getting jobbed if you agree to that. Better to find yourself a team that lives in a more depressed economy where the value is real, but the price is fair.

Roster

This is definitely the most important category. All other factors are just minutiae compared to this. And you’ll pay a premium for one of the franchises that has the best roster construction. Denver could be a steal with their low attendance and generally small share of the sporting market while the Broncos are a thing. Emmanuel Mudiay, Nikola Jokic and Jamal Murray comprise a mighty appealing trio of talent. But there are a few teams that are set up even better.

Finalists

Once my personal geographic preferences are figured in, and the media circus, fan expectations, franchise price tag and roster composition are put into a huge, undefined equation that I made up in my mind, there are only three teams I would consider purchasing.

The Philadelphia 76ers are a distant third. They have Joel “The Process” Embiid and that is amazing. They also have Jahlil Okafor, Nerlens Noel and Dario Saric. They’ve got picks, players, and a fan base that is ready to win. They also have overweight, angry white men who like to give Russell Westbrook the double bird. At least the aggression is directed at the opposing team, I suppose?

The Milwaukee Bucks are a close second. Giannis Antetokounmpo, Jabari Parker, Khris Middleton, probably another lottery pick next summer and a brand-new stadium. That’s a lot to offer. They also have a diehard following that has a considerably lower probability of ending up plastered all over social media for their tasteless actions. Even with all that they have to offer, they probably could be had at half the price of the Lakers, maybe even less. A new stadium and Giannis would be enough to make the price tag attractive, and the rest is just icing on the cake.

For all the processing of information done so far, I still came to the obvious conclusion – the Minnesota Timberwolves. Living in the frigid north already, the temperatures don’t bother me. Also, I own a jacket so whatever. The Wolves can fetch a price on the current market, but still nothing near what big city markets like Los Angeles, New York or Chicago would command. Much like the Bucks with Giannis, all you need is Karl-Anthony Towns. But you get so much more. Minnesota also has Zach LaVine, Ricky Rubio, Kris Dunn, Andrew Wiggins and a newly-extended Gorgui Dieng. Plus, the team just made major renovations to their practice facility and have a new head coach, Tom Thibodeau, who is one of the best basketball minds in the NBA. Hard to put together a more attractive situation than what the Timberwolves have in Minnesota.

Action

Now that you’ve got a team, what do you do with it? Well, Dieng just signed a four-year extension. Next up, it’s extensions for Wiggins and LaVine. If we don’t think LaVine will sign a deal, it’s time to look for trade partners. A package of LaVine and Shabazz Muhammad might be enough to pull a veteran wing player or add frontcourt depth.

We’re not going make what I would call the Oklahoma City Mistake. Wiggins and Anthony-Towns are untradeable and there would be a green light to make LaVine and Dunn long-term options as well, if they understand they are four-year players. Giving them contract extensions like the four-year, $84 million that Victor Oladipo just got from the Thunder is reasonable. The franchise can’t fear potential tax implications of exceeding the salary cap. This version of the Wolves won’t be trading our James Harden.

Minnesota is close to competing, but probably aren’t as close as a lot of people think. This might not be the year; it might take one more. One more dip into the lottery gives us another high-upside guy. That player won’t have to be Markelle Fultz or better, someone like Denzel Valentine that fell to the Bulls at No. 14 this year or grabbing a Dejounte Murray, Patrick McCaw or Ivica Zubac would be just as helpful to a team that has most of their starters solidified for the next half-decade.

Towns gets that max-max. Give him the very maximum that league will allow as soon as he is eligible. That is the obvious decision.

Next, we get that D-League team going. We’re putting them right in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. The city has an NCAA DIII basketball program, a decent economy and major growth. Also, it’s about 75 minutes from the Target Center, depending on your observance of the speed limit on Interstate 94. A mid-sized city, capable of offering prime real estate – there is an undeveloped lot right in the middle of their massive redeveloped district of downtown that features multiple new hotels, a new parking ramp and the headquarters of one of the largest financials in the region and a technology company. The city is also developing a $70+ million performing arts center that sits right next to all this other new development and new student housing complex for the local university.

Now that you know much more about Eau Claire than you ever actually needed to know, you can enjoy our D-League team. Another way to tell that I would be a terrible owner is how much time I would spend deciding on the D-League team name. Because I would want to do that. I’m thinking the Eau Claire Pack. See, it’s in Wisconsin and everyone here seems to love the Packers so you’re drawing on that notion already embedded in the mind of your target markets and “pack” is also fair because it could be referring to a pack of wolves, like the Timberwolves. With acumen like this, it’s hard to believe that I don’t already own an NBA franchise.

All of this has been easy. I knew the Timberwolves would be my choice right away, though I tried to find an option that seemed more appealing. I have campaigned, to myself, for some time about Eau Claire being a perfect location for a Wolves D-League location. Anyone who has watch Karl-Anthony Towns in the last calendar year is aware that he is going to be a perennial All-Star. You must extend every player and not be cheap. The opportunity to build a franchise on a group like this is basically a once in a generation event.

Here’s the only hard part for me – what to do with Ricky Rubio. I genuinely enjoy Rubio as a person and player. He’s an upbeat team-oriented point guard with great vision, above-average IQ, great defense and elite passing. His ability on offense is clearly a huge negative. It isn’t impossible to develop a winning team based around a point guard with limited range, but it is much harder when you do it that way. The book is out on Rubio and everyone is going under on every screen and pick-and-roll. He’s probably only slightly more threatening from the mid-range and further out than Joakim Noah.

None of this tells us what to do with Rubio. Trading him seems terribly wrong for several reasons. There isn’t any way to know what Dunn is going to become. Rubio has been through so much in Minnesota and is attached to the idea of the Timberwolves. The association of Minnesota and Rubio isn’t because of his iconic play that has produced a championship, but because he’s been around through a serious amount of thin, and is still here when it appears the Wolves are about to become thick. He’s also a player that was chosen over Kevin Love, a move that eventually led to the separation of Love and Minnesota.

Rubio probably occupies a space similar to Jeremy Lin. For all their differences in style of play or strengths, they both have starting roles when they might be better served as backup point guards. Lin is getting his chance to shine in Brooklyn, but his ability to come off the bench was big for the Charlotte Hornets last year. He was a perfect fit commanding that second unit and even spoke of the great chemistry he had with his teammates. Still, the allure of a starting role in New York pulled him away from the role he was meant to play in Charlotte. Rubio is the starting point guard for the Timberwolves. I can’t picture him any other way, because that is how it has been. Moving Rubio to a backup role doesn’t seem right, doesn’t seem natural.

Dunn is a few years away, as is Tyus Jones. If Rubio is the perfect backup point guard for a championship contender, but will have a hard time accepting a backup role with Minnesota, our hand would be forced. Packaging Rubio with another asset, whether player or draft pick or both, is likely what we do as the final piece of our major movement as new ownership.

Even the best-case scenarios require you to sacrifice something. Winning the lottery, buying the Timberwolves, creating a D-League team and name, locking up all the young players on max or near-max deals comes at a price and that price is Ricky Rubio. Maybe it’s a good thing that I don’t play the lottery.