Blazers Smoke Philly, Bluntly

Could the Sixers be the first Eastern Conference team to beat the Portland Trail Blazers this season? No, no they could not–and yes, I wrote this sentence before the game started. Sixers wunderkind Michael Carter-Williams missed his fifth consecutive game with a severe case of tanking, dooming their only chance against the West’s current top team.The Blazers, wearing their Rip City uniforms, ripped a big one on the Sixers by setting a new team and Wells Fargo Center record for threes in a game with twenty-one, culminating with a final score of 139-105. The 139 points given up by the Sixers were a new season-high.

The Blazers, winners of 18 of their last 20 have been riding high lately, while the Sixers sobering last thirty days saw their record fall from an unintentionally competent 5-5 to a tanktacular 7-18. This was a true David & Goliath match-up, except here David’s slingshot shot wide and Goliath stomped him to death. 

Playing a team as talented as the Blazers usually exposes a team’s weaknesses, but as Sixers fans we don’t need to face a good team to identify those flaws. As usual, the Sixers’ perimeter defense was as good as CTU’s, with the Blazers keeping up a record threes pace until their starters departed. The Blazers scored seventy-one points in the first-half. 71.

All of the Blazers starters were in double figures by the middle of the third quarter that proved to be the difference as the Sixers were outscored 40-15 in the frame before Portland pulled their starters. Long-balls were not the Blazers only weapon, as LaMarcus Aldridge led his squad again with a quietly excellent 20/15 evening on 10-15 shooting for his 13th double-double of the season.

Not all was awful. Spencer Hawes was out his damn mind in the first half, enabling the Sixers to actually lead the game 61-60 in the second quarter, before Second Half Sixers began. Somehow he was the best big man in the first half of a game where LaMarcus Aldridge played. No point in trying to figure it out–Spencer makes no sense. Wroten did crazy Wroten things, exciting and terrible, as expected, but the Sixers severe lack of depth and seeming belief that a forcefield surrounds the three-point line on defense means that they are not very good at playing NBA games. Evan Turner was a complete non-factor in this one, and will hopefully find an opportunity to finish his book on Renaissance poetry soon.

Notable Observations

• Spencer Hawes continues to be compared to much better players, as Malik Rose dubbed him the “Daydream”. And hey, he did bring it today. Post moves, spot-up jumpers, threes, White Howard did it all…for two quarters.
• The Sixers still have not won a game in regulation since November 8th at home against the Cavaliers.
• The Blazers are somehow 0-2 against the Suns this season.
• With the score 126-92, Meyers Leonard body-slammed Daniel Orton, and Orton responded with an elbow to the face. Both were ejected. Not very chill, Blazers.
• The Sixers committed an 8-second violation when the Blazers were pressing one.
• “The same thing that makes you laugh, makes you cry” — Malik Rose. Couldn’t have said it better myself, Malik.

Tanking Implications

The Sixers have had the tank in auto-drive for more than a month now. More important has been Utah’s 2(!)-game winning streak. The only questions remaining for this team are who is going to be traded and when. Spencer, Evan, and Thad have been playing far too well to hold on to during Tankapalozza. We can stash MCW and Nerlens on the bench as a penalty for being too good (Oh hai Anthony Bennett!), but the aforementioned three have been able to pad their counting stats while providing no further threat to our ping-pong ball collection. Hard to see this team winning too many more games as constructed, and maybe no more games once Spence, Evan, and Thad are wearing other teams’ colors and MCW is sent to the D-League by Hinkie. There’s only so much Wroten in the tank (meta!). Luckily, we have Hinkie, so no need to stress over it. He will do something our primitive brains have never considered. Tank Wars.