Cincy is 1-8-1 and already dusting off their sleds for something to do on those lonely January weekends.
The Bengals are absolutely terrible at football and there’s no way they should beat the Steelers. Not this year.
But the Steelers have blown a lot of games they should have won this year. And the Bengals have looked mildly competent the past couple weeks.
Could their be an upset brewing? Would TJ Douchemanzadeh get a chance to clean his spikes with the Terrible Towel again?
Let’s do it.
FIRST QUARTER
The first few drives of this game probably put most Steeler fans over 40 to sleep.
Ryan Fitzpatrick did some coke and played like Tom Brady during the Bengals second drive. Not a good way to start this game.
Bengals have had years to come up with creative ways to hide their faces.
7-0 Stormtroopers.
Gary Russell returns the ensuing kickoff for 40something yards, letting his teammates know that it is not illegal to return the ball past the 30 yard line.
One of the most boring quarters of football we’ve seen. If you switched over to watch the Penguins game, quit frontin.
SECOND QUARTER
Hines Ward comes out and make a huge grab for 37, then Limas holds on to a catch letting Big Gary Russell plow through for a first down on 4th and 1.
The Bus? The Dump Truck? Ladies and gents…THE SNOW PLOW
Benjamin finishes off the drive in style by tossing a little touchdown to Heath Miller. Back in business.
7-7 tie game.
James Farrior owns some dude on 3rd and 1 and the Steelers get the ball back. Nobody can patrol the middle like Farrior.
Ben hits Holmes for a few long completions and Skippy Reed does his job.
10-7 Pittsburgh.
Limas Sweed makes millions of Steeler fans curse when he gets hit by one of Ernster’s stooge punts, but the defense holds on 4th and 5.
HALFTIME
Go Pens.
THIRD QUARTER
Steeler force a punt. Jeff Reed kicks a field goal.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Steelers 13-7.
Turns out Willie Parker tweaked his hamstring a few plays back, so Mewelede is the man in the backfield. Just like he’s done so many times, he takes a screen pass and makes something out of nothing for 22 yards.
Tomlin cleans out the Bengals driveway a few plays later when he calls Snow Plow from two yards out for his first career touchdown.
20-7 Steelers.
FOURTH QUARTER
If anybody was still watching, Shayne “I Spell My Name Like A Queer” Graham kicked a field goal and Big Ben ran in another touchdown. Yawn.
The best thing was Troy ending the game with another sweet pick. A defense was Farrior and Polamalu patroling the middle and Woodley/Harrison on the edge is unbeatable.
Good thing Bengals fans in attendance didn’t care about the game.
“Like, OMG, Chris Henry is, like, totally buying beer for us after the game!”
27-10 Steelers. Game.
Notes
+ Heath Miller was really involved in the offense. ‘Bout time.
+ Silverback didn’t get a sack, but who cares?
+ Ike Taylor and William Gay played well for the most part. The DB’s are quitely having an amazing year.
+ Marv Lewis is already filling out TV analyst job applications.
+ Cedric Benson still sucks.
+ Thursday games are dumb.
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