Reality check.
I ain’t talking about some crappy show where people eat bugs.
I’m talking about understanding your place.
A few weeks ago the Steelers were 2-0 and everybody had them penciled in as the AFC’s finest. Then last week, Ben got violated and now the Steelers were in question.
But nobody doubted that the Steelers were easily the class of the AFC North. Everybody else in the division was old, overrated, or both. Right?
So the Stees should have no problem beating the Ravens on Monday night and keep the home unbeaten streak on Monday’s alive?
Not so fast my friend!
FIRST QUARTER
The crowd is fired up and western PA’s finest are on display. The mayor of your town was probably there wearing a helmet and screaming profanities at Ray Lewis. And who can blame him.
Steelers kick the ball off and Joe Flacco fumbles the opening snap. Just the mere sight of James Harrison across the line made him crap his pants.
Steelers manage a pretty nice drive down the field with Ben hitting Nate Washington and Santonio for long gains. Everybody is expecting the Stees to drive right down and start the Bird beating, but it wasn’t to be. Corey Ivy abuses Ben on 3rd down so Tomlin dials up Skippy Reed from 49.
Skippy answers the call.
3-0 Pittsburgh.
Flacco’s worst fears come true next drive when Harrison bends him over his knee for a sack on 3rd down. The rout is about to continue until Ben does his best Betty Crocker impression and makes a turnover. Some fat lineman catches it and it’s Ravens ball.
Mmmmm…nothing like a turnover on a Monday night!
Flacco comes out and doesn’t do too bad. He hits Derek Mason a few times for long gainers. But the drive stalls and Matt Stover stops by on his way to retirement home to kick some field goal in.
I smell old.
3-3 tie game.
SECOND QUARTER
Steelers go three and out. Poo.
Flacco’s Army takes the field and smells blood. He hits Willis for 15, but the next three plays were shut down and it’s a punt. We don’t know who S. Koch is, but he’s got a robot leg. Sepulveda would take him in a fight though.
Three and out for the Steelers. Fans are booing now…your mayor just threw something onto the field. And his shirt is off.
Flacco drives the Birds down the field and Old Man Stover boots a field goal through with his cane.
6-3 Baltimore.
Baltimore’s defense goes nuts on the next drive and Ben gets sacked twice. The elected official of your choice just got arrested for running on to the field naked. And he called Bruce Arians a douche bag.
Just when your hopes were as low as the stock market, things get even worse. Some fat running back named McClain pulls in a 25 yard reception and the entire secondary bites on a play action pass on 3rd and goal. Easy touchdown.
13-3 Baltimore.
HALFTIME
This is where the real Steelers fans separate themselves from the stooge fans. If you went to bed, better turn in your Terrible Towel. Sure things are rough, but do you think guys like Farrior and Ward are going to call it a night? Have you watched these guys battle over the years? Respect your team. You can sleep some other time.
As if things could get any worse, we started chewing on tacks when we saw on the bottom line that Gonch is out for 4-6 weeks. ThePensblog let out an audible yelp.
THIRD QUARTER
Things get real boring and just go back and forth for a while. It’s a punting battle between Koch and Berger and the Ravens take the cake. But this isn’t the Punt, Pass, and Kick competition.
Fate turns the Steelers way late in the 3rd when some jagoff tries to block Hines Ward somewhere near PNC Park. The refs see it and book it for 15 yards.
Hottest girl in Baltimore thinks it was a bad call.
Big Ben and the line are on their game now. Everybody is fired up and the Stees enter Bird territory for the first time. Ben pulls out the trusty .12 gauge and fires a bullet to Santonio. Holmes bounces off a few men and strolls into the endzone.
Great players make great plays when it matters most.
13-10 Baltimore.
The Steelers pass rush had quieted down a little bit. But these guys just got a reason to ramp up the intensity and it didn’t take long.
Flacco drops back and you see Harrison blow by the left tackle. Silverback must have been on some sort of drug because he gets off the snap faster than ever before. He crushes Flacco and the ball squirts out. Woodley is there.
Biggest play of the year.
Woodley scoops it up and rolls into the endzone. Bedlam for Steeler fans everywhere. Just two plays and the game is totally turned around.
17-13 Pittsburgh.
FOURTH QUARTER
Berger and Koch kick more punts and the time starts to become a factor.
All of a sudden, Ben does some magic escape act in the pocket and fires a bomb to Hines for 49 yards. Somebody blew the coverage, but we know it wasn’t Ron Jaworski since he was getting busy with Joe Flacco the whole game.
The Steelers have a shot to punch it in for six and put the nail in the coffin, but Ray Lewis pulls out his knife and stabs Mewelde Moore at the 1 yard line.
Back up offa me!!! (Yo Hi Tek)
Skippy does his thing and adds three more points for the Stees.
20-13 Pittsburgh.
Birds ball. 8 minutes left. We were hoping for the defense to rise up, but it just didn’t happen. Mason beats up on the Steelers secondary and McClain has a nice drive and all of a sudden the game is tied. This recap was already halfway done, but McClain ruined it with a two yard TD run straight over Larry Timmons.
20-20 tie game.
Nothing doing for either team and this game is headed to overtime. So much for a Steeler blowout.
OVERTIME
Ravens win the toss and Yamon Figures morphs into Troy Brown and has a clutch return to midfield. But wait…yellow flags fly as the Birds commit a holding call. Losing 40 yards of field position in a key overtime game must suck.
The Ravens commit another penalty and Timmons makes up for getting steamrolled earlier when he sacks Flacco on 3rd down. All up to Big Ben now.
Biggest drive of the season starts off with a 2 yard run by Mewelde Moore. Who would have thought?
On 3rd and 8, Ben goes back to Moore who dances all over the field for a 28 yard gain. Moore was running on fumes at this point after playing special teams and being forced into the starting RB job. You can’t get any more clutch than that.
Moore does trip and fall, losing four yards, but Ben hits him on 3rd down again for a 7 yard catch setting up Skippy Reed for the game winning kick.
Reed gets picked on a lot for sending naked cell phone pictures of his body to women, but what can we say? The only thing we care about is whether or not Jeff Reed makes field goals.
Ball snapped…
…hold good…
…kick on the way…
Too easy.
23-20 Steelers.
Notes
+Mewelde Moore = MVP for tonight. Guy had to play both offense and defense on special teams…and he ended up being the starting halfback without a fullback for the last quarter. He made several clutch receptions on 3rd down and held on to the football. Sometimes it’s the little things that are the most important and Moore knew the playbook well, knew his assignments, and was productive. This guy is the 4th string running back and he stepped it up. Can’t say enough about his performance…
+Running game wasn’t there tonight for the Steelers. The Birds are extremely good up front. Tough sledding for most of the game.
+I don’t proofread at 2am.
+Ben wasn’t at his best, but he made enough plays to win the game. If his last name was Manning or Brady, he’d get props from ESPN for “willing a team to victory.”
+Ray Lewis is still the best middle linebacker in the game. No argument.
+Thoughts and prayers go out to Andre Frazier. It’s hard to watch football after something like that happens.
+Offensive line was somewhat better. Darnell Stapleton did a good job coming in for Simmons.
+Only healthy running back = Moore. Yikes.
+There was a Talib Kweli joke in there somewhere. Sorry if you don’t get it.
+Hate on him if you want, but Arians made great second half adjustments after a terrible first half. Ben throw mostly from three step drops as the game went on.
+Flacco actually wasn’t too bad. We’ll see how he progresses as the season moves on and he gets more responsibility.
+Injuries suck.
We’ll take an ugly win any day.
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