Yeah, this game wrap is a few hours late. We took a page out of Big Ben’s playbook and decided to suck this weekend. Unless you had to drive 14.5 hours this weekend, I don’t wanna hear no whining. Just chill out and roll a blunt for San Antonio.
Eli vs. Ben. Eli vs. Ben.
That’s the only you heard during the week leading up to this game. I guess the hype was nice, but like Britney Spears, it got old fast. Everybody knew the winner of this game was going to be number one on a lot of the power rankings.
Cause everybody knows that the best team in week seven always wins the Super Bowl.
And whoever plays better between Eli and Ben during this game is destined to be a Hall of Famer. And whoever plays worse is going to have a career mirroring Brad Johnson.
On to the game.
FIRST QUARTER
Stees come out flying after forcing a three and out. Big Ben and the boys look amazing and score just after FOX finally switches over to the game. Mewelde rumbled in from 32. This game was going to be easy.
7-0 Pittsburgh.
The Giants strike back fast though with Eli making some nice throws leading to a Carney field goal. No big deal.
7-3 Pittsburgh.
Ben throws some ball that nearly gets Nate’s head taken off and it pops into some Midget’s hand for a pick. We should have taken this as an omen of things to come.
SECOND QUARTER
The Giants have a short field after Fat Ben’s interception and end up with a 1st and Goal from the two yard line. Should be a guaranteed Brandon Jacobs touchdown. But Coughlin tries a throw on first down and then runs Jacobs three times in a row up the middle. Jacobs gets in when Coughlin goes for it on 4th, but Tomlin jobs the Midgets with a challange flag and the refs make the easy call: no toucdown.
There are at least 10 angry, old men just in your local Eat ‘n Park right now.
The Stees run a nice play action pass on first down, but the rest of the drive sucks. Berger punts and hurts his hamstring. Even worse, some guy runs the punt back for like 30 yards. Ouch.
But the Stees defense makes another inspiring stop and Carney comes out for a field goal.
Jagoff.
7-6 Pittsburgh.
Hines Ward makes a sweet catch for 14, but Ben throws one of the worst picks of the season killing the drive. What the heck was up with him today?
HALFTIME
Holmes was probably on his fourth blunt by now watching the game.
THIRD QUARTER
This quarter freakin sucked. In sum, it was a replay of the first half.
Carney made a field goal.
Ben threw a pick.
Carney made a field goal.
9-7 New York.
Ben got sacked.
And long snapper Greg Warren tore his ACL at some point. My dad and I both looked at each other and were like “This could come up huge later in the game, but I doubt it.” Suckas.
FOURTH QUARTER
Early in the quarter, the Stees need a touchdown to get the knockout blow. With the way the defense has been playing, a 14-9 lead could be enough.
Ben dials up Nate from long-distance for the 3rd week in a row. The DB takes the worst angle ever and all of a sudden we’ve got a Pittsburgh Steeler touchdown!
Santonio who? Nate has been on fire the past few games.
14-12 Pittsburgh.
Midgets go out and suck, giving the ball right back to the Stees. They put together a real nice drive. Limas Sweed even shows up for a few plays. Then, out of nowhere…Ben hits Nate on another deep ball for a touchdown! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
But hold the phone. Flags everywhere. Will Colon tries to tackle Justin Tuck and it comes back. Some other penalty gets called after that. Three calls in a row against Pittsburgh. Punt city.
FOURTH QUARTER
Steelers with the ball, trying to put the nail in the coffin when Tomlin sends them out on 4th and 4 at the 35. If Greg Warren isn’t hurt, maybe we see Skippy here, but Tomlin smells blood. Of course, Ben throws another pick. It felt like an AFC Championship game out there. Frustrating to watch.
Carney does the field goal thing again. Go figure.
14-12 Pittsburgh.
Time to run the clock or get a score. Either would be huge right here.
But the offense stalls and goes 3 and out again. Mathias Kiwajoasdfpdsfno sacks Ben and time for a punt.
Apparently Silverback is the backup holder and he loses his job quickly when he launches one into the endzone over Berger.
Safety.
14-14 tie game.
Sickening. Who knew Greg Warren was the glue to the team?
A lot of other crap happened during the rest of the quarter. But after the safety, the rest of the game was easy to predict.
Midgets get a short field after the free kick. They convert some 4th down on a ball that Manning threw perfectly into tight coverage. Ty Carter was just a hair late on the safety help, only because Ryan Clark f’d his shoulder up the play before. Bad karma like that was happening all game.
Some white TE that looks like a high school gym teacher catches a TD pass to take the lead. Wow.
21-14 New York.
Steelers get a couple chances to drive for the win, but a failed 4th down attempt and another Ben pick seal the deal.
Game dizzle.
Notes
+ Nate Washington=MVP. Guy had two long TD’s as far as we’re concerned. Seems like he’s gotten a LOT faster over the offseason.
+ Big Ben sucked, but he’ll bounce back. Everybody has a few crappy games. Hopefully he bounces back next week.
+ Holmes was missed, especially during the two minute drill. I’m glad the Stees came down hard on him though. They gotta do what they gotta do. You think a guy like Plaxico ever gets the message when Coughlin puts him back in as soon as the Midgets offense struggles? That was Grade A stoogery.
+ Don’t be hatin on Harrison for that snap. Guy wanted to step up and help his team. If there was anybody better at it, they’d be out there.
+ That said, if Greg Warren doesn’t get hurt, the Stees win the game.
+ Steelers were the better team, but that doesn’t matter. Hopefully we see these guys again.
+ ESPN says Big Ben is going to suck now cause Eli outplayed him. Might as well start the Dennis Dixon era!
+ Painful, painful loss.
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