Since Gus was extremely busy trying to get ass before the game with the Steelers, I had to catch him after the game to get his thoughts on the game and other personal things. Being as he would only accept the interview in the shower, it got very personal.
Sorry this had to be in the shower, I just feel the most at ease when I’m being asked questions naked.
Uh, it’s fine, I just need an interview and you’re the best I could do. So I hear you’re a ladies man, or try to be. Did you learn that growing up in Ford City, or through the NFL?
Are you kidding me, man? Ford City is the SHIZZZZ. Dude, I get so much poon it’s incredible. The hoes don’t call me Gus the Incredible Weiner Man Big Boner Frerotte for nothing.
I’ve never heard any girl call you that. I think you just put together a bunch of dirty sounding words together and made that up.
Yeah, but I bet that’s what they WOULD call me if they saw my schlong.
Well you call your dick a schlong. That’s one of the problems. But anyways, how do you think your performance was tonight?
I think I had my best game, man. Yeah we lost, but I had over 100 yards passing. And that’s all the matters is that I did okay. I am the glue to the Vikings mechanical fibers. But the biggest thing I found out is that you can’t spell Vikings, without Gus. Because then we would be the Vikin. And there is no such thing as that. Do you see any jerseys out there as the Minnesota Vikin? I didn’t think so. Game, set and match.
How DON’T you get a lot of ass!? I was actually disappointed you didn’t score a touchdown so you could headbutt the wall again.
Those walls piss me off, you know? I’m like a caged animal. I want out. I want out in the wild to spread my beautiful seed across the fertile soil, as long as that soil is over 18, and make a garden of virtue. Then I won’t even put a gate around this garden so my young will know what it’s like to be free. Free at least. Freedom as America’s old fathers and mothers wrote that paper about. Freedom I will never know about.
Dear Lord, what are you talking about? Actually, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. So you know that you haven’t been on the same team for more than 2 years since 1998, how do you think your stay with the Vikings will be any different? Do you think you can out do Tarvaris or just stay as a backup like you have for pretty much all your career?
Yes
…Yes? That’s all you’re going to say? There wasn’t even a yes or no question I asked.
You know I’m the quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings don’t you?
Yes?
OH OH OH! Look at you! THAT wasn’t even a yes or no question and you’re accusing me of that same thing.
Oh my God. I have to go now.
And that ladies and gentlemen, is what it’s like to be a backup quarterback. I sure I hope I don’t see any Minnesota Vikin jerseys out anytime soon.
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