The Worst AFC Championship Ever: A Steeler Fan’s Guide

This is probably the worst thing anyone in Steeler Nation could have asked for. Instead of the battle of the loveable underdogs in Texans vs Broncos, we get the Ratbirds and the… Gay…triots. Something. This game is going to suck because no matter who wins, Steeler fans lose.

If you decide to even watch the AFC Championship (and we don’t blame you if you don’t) you have to pick a team to root for. If you’re anything like us, you can’t just watch a game without picking a side. This isn’t golf, it’s football. So, which of the two evils do you deem to be lesser?

The case for rooting for Baltimore, according to Brian:

I don’t hate anyone more than I hate Tom Brady. His smug, pretty boy face. The amount of overrated he is playing in a system that saw Matt Cassel win 11 games. The way he asks for a penalty every time someone hits him. The way the referees obey. The way that media types worship him as the greatest clutch QB in the history of the world, despite only ever doing enough to let Adam Vinatieri kick a big-time field goal. Fun fact: Brady hasn’t won a championship since Vinatieri left, and this past weekend was his first playoff win since the glory of 18-1.

The Patriots are boring to watch. Did you see their game against Denver? “Oh look, Tom Brady threw another deep pass. Oh, and look, it was easily caught by one of their mammoth tight ends. How fun, I am so enjoying this football game. Snooze.” I get that apparently only the fans in Pittsburgh and Baltimore enjoy a defensive struggle, but this post is for Steeler fans anyway. If you want to watch a pretty-boy quarterback toss touchdown passes to white dudes (Also fact: Boston is racist as f%&k) then go ahead and root for the Patriots. You can cheer for their golden boy, praise their might-be-a-satanist coach, and you know what, you can get really excited when Brady completes a 71-yard pass to Rob Gronkowski when he’s already up by 32 points. And while you do all that, you can move to Massachusetts where tackling is illegal anyway, and you’ll never have to watch a close, exciting game again.

Baltimore, on the other hand, plays football the right way. The way our founding fathers wanted it to be played. They have a tough, physical offensive line. They run the ball with Ray Rice, who is objectively a fun player to watch. Their defense is legendary. Even if Ed Reed has made fewer tackles in the NFL than I have, his lack of toughness is totally made up for by Ray Lewis, maybe the greatest middle linebacker ever. The offense can be balanced enough to run the ball effectively and still make plays in the passing game to keep you on your toes. The defense has everything Steeler fans have come to love about football.

In summary:

The Case for New England, according to Bam:

There is no scenario more miserable than seeing two of your two biggest rivals facing off with a championship on the the line. Watching the Ravens/Patriots square off is made even more miserable given the Steelers disatrous playoff appearance this year. Pittsburgh isn’t even in the same class as their two fiercest rivals and that hurts.

While I don’t root for either franchise, I have the utmost respect for them as well. (Rivals breed weird relationships, huh?) New England boasts the greatest QB I have ever seen and an offensive attack that might be unstoppable. Bill Belichick is the definition of an evil genius; you hate him, but you think he’s an extremely good coach at the same time.  On the other side of the coin, the Ravens have the greatest linebacker I have ever seen: Ray Lewis. They play in a style much like the Steelers and bring a physical brand of football that is all too rare. I even wrote an entire post on while I don’t hate the Baltimore Ravens this offseason.  

Aside: Steelers fans loathe Tom Brady because he is ‘arrogant’ and he always kicks the Steelers ass, but I’m convinced Brady is the perfect QB. I would love cheering for a fiery competitor who spikes the ball when he scrambles for a big touchdown on the road. I don’t have any problem with that. If Big Ben did “The Spike” in Baltimore after a cruicial TD run, we’d all be pumped up about it. Nobody is as focused and emotional as Brady is for in big games. The guy is a warrior and his temperament is exactly what everybody wants in a QB. Jealousy breeds contempt. See Crosby, Sidney. 

The only difference between the two teams is that the Ravens will always, always, always be the Steelers top rival. The disdain for the Patriots is bred out of their recent success and a couple of big time playoff matchups over the last decade. The Baltimore Ravens are the old Cleveland Browns. They are a division rival. They are specifically designed and built to beat the Steelers. They are the ultimate rival. 

I can never, ever root for them. 

While this group of Ravens needs a Super Bowl appearance to near the same heights as our current Steelers, the New England Patriots are already on that level. If New England wins another Super Bowl, I will simply shrug my shoulders and tip my cap to Brady and Belichick for doing what we are used to them doing. 

If Baltimore wins the Super Bowl, it changes everything. They become at least the Steelers equal and the entire dynamics of the rivalry between Baltimore and Pittsburgh shifts. It might make things less dramatic, but I don’t ever want the Ravens to achieve the Steelers level of success. I respect them and expect them to play well, but I do not want them to succeed. 

So if that means I’m rooting for evil incarnate on Sunday by cheering for New England, then so be it. If the Steelers are sitting at home watching the Super Bowl, I want the Ravens to be doing the same thing.