Sports Schadenfreude

Note: I started writing this article on Sunday night but had to sleep before finishing it as I had work the next morning. Then after eleven hours running around a restaurant all day I ate dinner and went to bed so for the sake of me let’s pretend that this post came out yesterday. So yesterday in the article means Sunday.

p.s. I’m watching Tony Lucca and Adam Levine sing yesterday as I’m writing this.

Last week Funny man Cousin Sal tweeted this. “Normally I take great pleasure in seeing a Yankee all-star go down to injury. That’s all – just thought I’d let you know.” Now personally I think that Rivera going down to injury is a horrible thing, he’s is one of the greatest pitchers of our generation and a first ballot hall of famer, and I never want to see someone possibly end their career tearing their ACL shagging fly balls. I do however fully understand why Cousin Sal would feel this way and post this tweet. Yesterday, I was dismayed to see that Los Angeles Angel Albert Pujols broke the longest homerless streak in his career. Only just this week many people felt joy from Amare Stoudemire’s cut hand, Joakim Noah and Josh Smith’s injuries, as well as the Red Sox getting swept by the Orioles. It does not really make sense why people would enjoy other people’s injuries or why I would be disappointed in someone else’s success in a game where my team didn’t play, in the middle of the regular season, on a day where my team won easily. But, these things do affect happiness and miniscule things like this affect people across the country and world many times over.

There is a word in German, schadenfreude, it means taking pleasure in other people’s misfortunes, and sports fans are probably the best at feeling this emotion. Everything I just mentioned in the paragraph above is schadenfreude and this is just from one week of sports.

So let’s look at a specific example of how schadenfreude works? Albert Pujols’ home run in my mind signifies the resurgence of Pujols and the likely resurgence of the Angels, which would mean bad things for the Mariners. Whether this actually happens is yet to be determined but no longer can I feel happy about Pujols possibly being the biggest free agent bust of all time and failing to do what he’s done for every stage of his career: hit home runs. I lost hope for his failure as a whole but at least I can take some solace in the fact that Pujols is still only hitting .196 with a .532 ops.

So in honor of Cousin Sal and schadenfreude I am going to list my happiest sports moments at other’s misfortunes. Let me first tell you of my sports allegiances so you can fully understand my list. I am a Mariners, Supersonics, Buccaneers, Sounders and Washington Huskies fan, with a slight rooting interest in the Ravens, Canucks, Flyers, Orioles, and Seahawks.

In no particular order here is my list.

2011 Red Sox collapse, highlighted by the final game of the season loss to the Orioles, and Rays victory. Why? For every team’s fans outside of the Yankees and Red Sox there is basically no difference between the two teams, both are considered the evil empire because of their free agent swiping and huge payrolls. To see them miss the playoffs because of douchebaggery in their locker room was just wonderful. The Orioles beating them was just the cherry on the sundae.

2010/2011 Heat losses in the playoffs. Why? What LeBron James did to the city of Cleveland was just mean. He deserves to suffer painful losses in every single season he plays. As a Sonics fan the only joy I get from the NBA anymore is from schadenfreude so to see the Face of the NBA, who has no allegiances, lose is the best I can hope for.

Super Bowl XLII Giants def. Patriots. Why? The 2006-2007 Patriots were the biggest assholes in the history of sports. They routinely ran up the score on lesser opponents, kept their starters in the game well beyond necessary and set scoring and touchdown records. Not only that but coming off of three Super bowl wins earlier in the decade and a Red Sox world series win, Boston was the most annoying sports city of the 2000’s.

Alex Rodriguez gets busted for steroids. Why? A-rod put a dagger into the hearts of Seattle fans when he left for the biggest contract ever and Texas. We loved him and he screwed us over. Anything bad that happens to A-rod is validation for Seattle Sports fans.

2001 World Series Arizona def. New York. Why? 2001 The Mariners set the single season wins record then lost to the Yankees in the ALCS. The Yankees are the older brother of the MLB they expect to win every year and other teams expect them to win every year. When they lost the rest of the Majors felt exalted, and for me seeing Randy Johnson win a world series by beating the Yankees just made it that much sweeter.

2012 Saints Scandals. Why? As a Bucs fan watching the Saints live up to their moniker and become the most loved team in the NFL after getting ravaged by Katrina made me sick. I felt bad for New Orleans, which is a great city, but the Saints still are a hated rival. So to have them return to the Ain’ts just makes my heart leap with joy.

There are numerous more schadenfreude moments but none compare. All I’m left worth hoping for is the Blunder to lose horrific losses for their existence until Durant decides to leave them for the team he first played for. The Sonics. (when the Kings finally leave Sacramento.)

-David Ringold