When we last left you, Off The Bench had whittled the sports worlds’ best nicknames of all time to an initial list of 75ish to our bracket of 64 and finally to our Final Four. We’ve got Dr. J, Primetime, Shoeless Joe Jackson, and El Duque in a battle royale to see who claims the prestigious and very real title of “Best Nickname Ever.”
**To get our results we polled 13 of our readers and asked them to fill out our brackets. Additionally Max and Sean gave points to nicknames based off a few categories, including the amount a nickname is used in place of the person’s real name, creativity, and creation story. Max and Sean also made some choices because we could.
1 Shoeless Joe vs 2 El Duque
To say that El Duque doesn’t belong in this matchup is a bit harsh, but I do think the Cuban right hander is the least deserving of the four that are left. No slight on El Duque, who got his nickname for no apparent reason other than his total badass-ness. For a frame of reference on how badass The Duke is for a nickname, see John Wayne (professional badass). The high leg kick, and the 4.13 ERA he compiled in his post-peak years after defecting from Cuba fall at the hands… er… feet of Shoeless Joe and the irony that he was a part of the Black Socks scandal by 31 points.
2 Dr. J vs 3 Primetime
This is a big time matchup. These two made up 5 of the 13 winners in the bracket and when you consider we had 7 different winners, that’s a big deal. Primetime, Neon Deion, was one of the best nicknames of All-Time. It’s self-adorned, but that’s fine when you live it like Deion did. He invented high stepping. But, he falls at the hands of the guy that invented the reverse dunk. Dr. J is such a smooth name for such a smooth player. In this battle of Swag, Dr. J wins by 27 in a high scoring affair.
The Final:
2 Dr. J vs 1 Shoeless Joe
A matchup virtually no one could have projected is also one you can’t complain about at all. Though it’s surprising that Babe, the tournaments number 1 overall seed failed to make it to even the Final Four, Dr. J is certainly a worthy replacement. In the other corner stands Shoeless Joe Jackson, a man with a nickname born from his tendency to take off his uncomfortable spikes at the end of games in the era of the birth of baseball. From his ubiquity in the baseball world to his role in Field Of Dreams, Shoeless Joe is really a timeless nickname. But, Dr. J is no slouch. Julous Erving carved up defenses with surgical precision and he did so in this matchup as well. Shoeless Joe gave Dr. J a great test but in the end, Dr. J emerged victorious in the All Time Nickname Bracket and claimed its spot as the de facto greatest nickname ever.
-Sean “the Shoeless to Max’s Dr. J” Morash and Max “the Wizard of Writing” Frankel
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