The Eternal Misery of a Mariners Fan

Seeing how opening day starts a week from tomorrow, March 28^th when the Mariners and Athletics square off in Tokyo, and since it will probably be the only time all year that the Mariners and Athletics are in the spotlight, I thought it fitting that I should write something focusing on the team that is furthest away from the rest of the league, never gets any play on national television, and is probably most overlooked team in the MLB. Now, the A’s can claim that they need some publicity too, but they just had an Academy Award nominated film about them, and they have bigger issues such as whether they are moving to San Jose or not, so I am going to write an article explaining baseball up here in the Northwest, where kids grow up playing baseball in rainy weather and have no hope for any future Mariners success.

I grew up in Seattle and I live here now, but I spent four years on the east coast in college and I played college baseball. I’ve been to Yankee stadium, I’ve been to Wrigley field, I’ve even been to Pac bell, Coors field and Miller park. To top it all off I’ve even been to a Red Sox Spring training game, and I can tell you that none of these experiences or fan bases are similar to what you get here in Seattle.

First to dispel some myths about the culture here. It does not rain here every day. Let me say that again, it does not rain here every day. If you come watch a Mariners game here in the summer, odds are that you will get 75 degree weather and sunshine for a day game and 65 degree weather for the nights. I know I said kids grow up playing in the rain, and they do, most kids stop their seasons by June, summer in Seattle doesn’t start until July, But it does go until the end of September. Second myth to dispel, Seattle fans don’t care about their teams. Ever since the Sonics left, people have been saying that Seattle fans suck. Well I can tell you only part of that is true. Many of the people you run into at Mariners games are not fans, we get a lot of suburban Microsoft workers taking their kids to the games. This is the issue with having a much nicer stadium than other places. At no other stadiums I’ve been to can you get sushi, Thai food, and upscale Mexican food, along with your traditional hotdogs, burgers, and BBQ. People go to Mariners games because they want a night out with the family at Safeco field, and they rarely watch the games let alone care. That is why when the Red Sox play at Safeco, you’ll hear the crowd cheering the Sox. The true fans in Seattle don’t have money to go to games often. The true fans you’ll find buying the seven dollar bleacher tickets, then sneaking into other sections, not buying the incredibly overpriced tickets in other parts of the ballpark. Last myth to dispel is that players don’t want to come to Seattle to play. Players want to come to Seattle they just don’t know it yet. People from Seattle grow up, move away, and then return to Seattle because they can’t find a better place to live. People from other places never get to see Seattle. I’ve had East coast friends visit, and they don’t understand until they get here, but once they spend some time here they truly want to come back. We’ve got the Midwest friendliness with the East coast ability to get things done, all combined with the Nor Cal laidback attitude. Mariner’s players also know that once you are a Mariner, you are a Mariner for life and no matter what they do we will always have a spot for them in our heart (unless you’re A-rod).

With all that said, here is what I know will happen this season, what the best case scenario will be, and what will happen if somehow God becomes a Mariners fan this season.

Option one, what I know will happen this season: Chone Figgins will suck again proving once again that once a player comes to the Mariners they lose all their previous ability. The Mariners will trade him at 10 cents on the dollar and he will start producing. Ichiro, will have a solid year and be better than last year but will never regain what he once had. All of the young Mariners who are the future will not overachieve, and will only be good enough for us to continue to have hope that they will achieve something that will never happen for them. This includes Jesus Montero, Dustin Ackley, Justin Smoak, and Mike Carp, our two, four, five, and six hitters in the lineup. Felix Hernandez will once again prove why the Yankees were willing at once point to trade 8 players including Robinson Cano for him. The rest of the pitching staff will overachieve only to be traded away at the trade deadline for more prospects that won’t turn out. The Mariners will be out of the playoffs by the All-star Break and will eventually bring up minor league players who will perform really well just long enough for us to get attached to them and have hope for next season. This includes Kyle Seager, Trayvon Robinson, Casper Wells and Erasmo Ramirez. However, our Three best Prospects, Danny Hultzen, James Paxton and Taijuan Walker, who were all ranked in the top thirty prospects in the league this year will not appear this season and at least one will undergo surgery that will most likely end his career.

Option Two, best case scenario: Chone Figgins will play better than expected and we will trade him off to a contender for actual good talent. He will be replaced by Kyle Seager at third who is already better than Figgins but just not owed millions of dollars. Ichiro will regain his lost form and have over 200 hits and still have a very low OPS. The middle of the order will perform to their expectations with the Mariners seeing their first 100 RBI guy in years out of Justin Smoak, their first legitimate power hitter in Jesus Montero(34HR) and Dustin Ackley will hit .325 with 100 runs. Felix Hernandez wins another Cy Young and the rest of the pitching staff over performs and does not get traded away. The Mariners will be in playoff contention utill the end of the season but will not make the playoffs. Other than Seager and Casper Wells who should be on the big club when the season starts, we will not have to deal with any real late season call ups. Our big three prospects will all finish the season in AAA and be prepared for a breakout year in 2013.

Option three, God finally cares: Albert Pujols will break his femur by celebrating a preseason home run. Jered Weaver, undergoes Tommy John surgery after he releases the ball funny and hits Josh Hamilton in the head, who then turns to alcohol and drugs to ease the pain, and is never the same. Nolan Ryan makes all of his pitchers throw complete games even if they are playing poorly and by June none of them can even pick up a baseball. The Mariners appear on Sunday Night baseball and it’s not against the Yankees or Red Sox. For the first time in history 6 players from the same team all hit 35 home runs, Ichiro, Smoak, Ackley, Montero, Carp and Olivo. Chone Figgins Hits .330 with a .430 OBP, Felix wins a Unanimous Cy Young after winning 30 games. The Mariners tie their own record for most wins in a season with 116 and break the A’s win streak record by going undefeated in the entire month of May. The Mariners beat the Yankees in the ALDS, the Red Sox, in the ALCS and play the Giants in the World series. It comes down to Game 7 Felix against Tim Lincecum, and the Mariners lose 0-1 on a walk off home run by Lincecum himself, leading us to remember that the Mariners Drafted Brandon Morrow over Lincecum after he graduated from the University of Washington and grew up twenty minutes from where Safeco now stands.

The one thing a Mariner’s fan never forgets, is that no matter what happens, don’t expect to win the World Series.

-David Ringold, Guest Writer