The Non Baseball Player Baseball Team

What active players from the other Major Sports would make the best MLB team?  This was a question posed to us from a reader a few weeks ago and we’re getting to it now, as I sit here watching NFL Sunday and bummed out that there’s no NBA highlights to make SportsCenter watchable in the mornings. Regardless, this list isn’t about any actual rankings, or skill level (Brian Jordan wouldn’t make my team).  It’s more meant to be fun and entertaining (kinda sad I have to mention that but, we’ll see how it goes).

First Base:  I’m going with Baltimore Ravens Ray Lewis here.  He’s such an intimidating presence at first base that nobody will want to run at him.  All he has to do is stand on first and nobody will leave the box.  Ask an NFL running back about running towards Ray Lewis.

Second Base:  Daniel Carcillo, Chicago Blackhawks.  I’m not a big NHL fan but in a second baseman for this list, I’m looking for a scrappy fighter and a guy who profiles at second base. Carcillo is listed at 5’11 and 209 pounds which means he’s likely closer to 5’9.  Also, he’s from Canada, the same country as Joey Votto so he’s going to hit.

Third Base: Travis Outlaw, New Jersey Nets.  Outlaw is the A-Rod of my team, he’s just paid entirely too much so he goes at third base.

Shortstop:  Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins.  This is hard.  Short needs a hyper athletic player but somebody with a head on their shoulders and isn’t too tall. I’m putting Sidney out there but he doesn’t get a glove.  Sidney jogs out to short every inning hockey stick in hand.

Left Field:  LeBron James, Miami Heat.  LeBron is one of the most talented players in the game, right handed but something isn’t quite right with him.  He tries really hard but nobody thinks he does.  Manny Ramirez ring a bell?

Center Field:  Michael Vick, Philadelphia Eagles.  This is the one selection I made based on actual talent.  Think about Vick chasing down the ball in center and then gunning it to the plate and tell me you didn’t just get excited.  Vick is a raw baseball talent ready to be unleashed.

Right Field:  Sebastian Janikowski, Oakland Raiders:  If Paul O’Neil taught us anything, it’s that we need a Right Fielder who can kick the ball and my favorite kicker is Sebastian Janikowski.

Catcher: Rudy Gay, Memphis Grizzlies.  Gay is probably the best catcher available because we all know that Gays like to catch.  We’ll put it this way, there’s a pitcher and a catcher and Gay likes to catch. (Quick Note: We at Off The Bench are not prejudiced in any way. This is only a joke. Calm down, PC America.)

Designated Hitter:  Montrae Holland, Dallas Cowboys.  At 6’2, 340 lbs, Montrae fits the definition of a Big Donkey.

Starting Pitcher #1:  C.J. Watson, Chicago Bulls.  The Bulls backup point guard’s name is really similar to C. J. Wilson of the Texas Rangers.  That means he’s got to be good.

Starting Pitcher #2: Calvin Johnson, Detroit Lions.  It’s terribly obvious that there is absolutely nothing that Calvin Johnson can’t do.

Starting Pitcher #3:  Eli Manning, New York Giants.  Tell me that Eli wouldn’t average 5 IP, 3 ER and a cheap win every start.  Putting his ERA north of 4.50 and far more wins than he should.  He’s the perfect number 3 starter on a mediocre team.

Closer:  Jay Cutler, Chicago Bears.  Cutler is the jerkoff that our team has been missing.   He fills the niche of Jonathon Papelbon on this team, overhyped, overpaid, and under-good.

Bench:

• Kobe Bryant.  I always wanted to bench Kobe.
• Chris Johnson:  Everyone needs a pinch runner.
• Wes Welker:  Great backup infielder and adds some scrap OFF THE BENCH.

That’s the team and honestly I think my team is winning every game.  There’s entirely too much athleticism on this roster to lose.  Also, remember nobody is going to first base.

-Sean Morash