Spoiler Alert: This is going to be a rant. Those with weak stomachs or heart conditions, and mothers with small children should navigate away now.
If you thought a Collapse so epic it became capitalized was the bottom of the barrel, try an entire season of sub-mediocrity, blowouts, sweeps, injuries, controversy, and administrative incompetence. This is it folks. Wally is lying in some back alley, pus dripping from the track marks on his arm while a homeless guy puts a blanket over him out of pity. Bed. Rock. Bottom.
Here’s the season high lowlights so far, one can only assume it will get worse: Crawford hurts himself (again and again), out for… ever; Bailey hurts thumb, also out forever; front office irrationally imposes its will upon manager, screws up rotation; Spring training ends; Sox lose first 3 games, 2 walk-offs sandwich a 10-0 blowout; Ellsbury subluxes shoulder, 60-day DL; Mark Melancon–purported lights-out set-up man–sees ERA jump from 22.50 to 49.50 in 0.0 innings of 6 run, 3 homer ball (Fenway Faithful cheer as ERA on big screen steadily climbs, boo when if fails to break 50) and is immediately demoted; team reaches .500 mark, 20 games into season; fans wait until game 59 to see record over .500; Beckett goes golfing; Adrian snaps 27 game homerless streak with jack number… 3 (that’s on May 18th, he hits 6 (!) more in the next 2 months and has yet to reach double digits); a period of good fortune ensues, Sox briefly climb out of last place; lone bright spot Ortiz hurts achilles tendon… rounding second on a home run, 15-day DL; ace Lester posts 3 consecutive 4-inning starts, allowing 22 earned runs, ERA nears 5.50.
And that about gets us to today. Well, to be current I guess I have to add the 9-1 drubbing last night. Ok, now we’re up to date.
As the preceding diatribe suggests, the Red Sox have been bad in just about every way possible (I like to imagine even the bat boy sucks, always confusing people’s helmets and whatnot). But despite the unilateral failure to be good, there have been two festering pillars of rancid inadequacy: Josh Beckett and Jon Lester. Let me rock your world: together these two extremely well-compensated schmoes have surrendered 124 earned runs over just 221.2 innings. Yes, that is an ERA of 5.03, and yes, it is costing the Sox $23,375,000, plus incentives.
Beckett would do better on the PGA tour, and apparently the only thing Lester can beat is cancer (I know, sue me, but I’m steaming right now). Even if Josh hadn’t gone golfing though, the Nation would still be calling for his head. And Lester, well he gets a pass because he beat cancer. (Someone theorized recently that maybe it’s back. Let’s hope not, but it would explain some things.)
Whether you subscribe to the chicken-and-beer school of thought and believe these guys just don’t care anymore, or you have some (non-cancer) explanation for their historic stuggles, the writing is on the wall: blow it up. Don’t wait until the offseason. Light the fuse now. Cherrington still has a week to ship off every last one of these bums. Beckett and Lester? Shoot…. Crawford, Gonzalez, Ellsbury, Pedrioa, Sweeney, Aviles, Doubront, Daisuke, Bard, Shoppach, Miller, Podsednik, Morales, Repko, Kalish, Gomez, ALL OF THEM! Except Daniel Nava. Let’s build around that dude. (Jose Iglesias can stay too. And Ross.)
–Ari Glantz
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