The arrival of football season has Jimmy Butler (and the basketball community) jealous. There’s still another five-plus weeks until the NBA regular season tips off; and while the short break from competitive hoops is necessary for recuperation and relaxation, we’re all getting a little antsy. And so, The Lottery Mafia held a meeting to discuss which pro ballers would fare best in football.
Quarterback
Joshua Cornelissen: Ben Simmons – My team needs a quarterback tall enough to see over the massive offensive line, with elite passing ability.
Gabriel Allen: Ben Simmons- Is it just me, or does the slick-passing Simmons look taller than KAT in this photo?
Ilia Shatashvili: Ben Simmons- Floor general, field general. Great mobility and size too. Think Cam Newton.
Quentin Haynes: Dame Lillard – Lacks the size, but has the leadership and intangibles to get the team together when it matters the most QB
Matt Sexton: Brett Brown – I need a guy who can weather the storm, and no better man than that who watched about 200 losses from the sideline for the last three years
Running Back
J: Eric Bledsoe, Dwyane Wade – This gives me a pair of tough running backs with low centers of gravity. Wade perfected the art of cutting alongside LeBron.
G: John Wall- Wall is exceedingly fast, super strong, and has the vision to spot holes in the defense.
I: JJ Barea – Good luck tackling him with his herky jerky moves.
Q: John Wall – Agree, one of quickest guys in the league with the ball, can properly shuffle through the tackles and work his way on the outside RB.
M: Dante Exum – Here I’m going with upside. With a player as fast as Chris Paul and plenty of knee issues to keep fantasy owners on their toes, Exum is as good a bet as any to carry this team to victory or get carted off the field trying.
Tight End
J: Derrick Favors – Large and strong, Favors can both block and dominate as a receiver
G: Anthony Bennett- Going with the trend of “failed” basketball players (Antonio Gates, Jimmy Graham, etc.) excelling at this position, Bennett is a big body boasting quickness.
I: Blake Griffin – Rob Gronkowski but with a better vertical.
Q: LeBron James – Easy.
M: Boogie – He mean. He strong. And I sure as hell wouldn’t wanna go up for a jump ball against him.
Wide Receiver
J: John Wall, Aaron Gordon, and Zach LaVine – In this setting I wanted fast, athletic receivers who could jump out of the building.
G: Jimmy Butler – Ask and you shall receive. In my opinion, Butler would be rather versatile at wide receiver: a brilliant blocker, runner of short routes, and catcher of corner fades.
I: (1) Russell Westbrook – nobody will be able to keep him under control (2) John Wall – speed, agility, hands, IQ, length, height..he has all the prototypical qualities (3) Paul George – the possession receiver.
Q: (1) Zach LaVine – Almost like Randy Moss – thin, but can make plays with the ball in the air and good speed. When a play breaks down, just throw it up to Zach (2) Jimmy Butler – Don’t know why, but I think Jimmy would be an excellent WR2, catching passes and getting eight yards when the team needs seven (3) Matthew Dellavedova – #GRITWR
M: (1) Victor Oladipo – I remember the days his just-missed dunks almost broke the internet.
Do you? If not, here’s a refresher. (2) Giannis Antetokounmpo – Cuz I really wanna see how many times announcers will mess up his last name. Greek Freak for life. Don’t call it a copout. (3) Jaylen Brown – His name was Jaylen Brown ~Tyler Durden
Center
J: Nikola Pekovic
G: Diamond Stone is the man for the job.
I: Glen Davis – Put that wide body to work Big Baby.
Q: Boris Diaw – smart, hefty and can control the offensive line – with or without his daily glass of wine
M: Markieff Morris – One of my five serious selections. He’s nasty. He’s taking the Wizards to the Promised Land. And I would not want to face off with him in a cage fight.
Offensive Tackle
J: DeMarcus Cousins (LT), Brook Lopez (RT)
G: Kenneth Faried – He can box people out with his butt for rebounds and he’s extremely quick for his size.
I: Andre Drummond – if he can move those feet and not get caught holding his strength and mobility will be useful
Q: (1) Steven Adams – would annoy opposing pass rushers to death. (2) Derrick Favors – Another good big man with some great feet.
M: Rudy Gobert – Almost picked Hassan Whiteside here. After a lot of thought, I did not.
Offensive Guard
J: Reggie Evans (LG) Robin Lopez (RG) For offensive linemen I wanted height and weight; none of these players are pushovers. The Lopez brothers already have the chemistry to be an elite tandem on the right side.
G: Kyle O’Quinn- Per his Wikipedia page, O’Quinn nearly quit basketball to play football full-time in high school after riding the bench his junior year. He’s a solid team player who should be able to protect the (hopefully very tall) quarterback.
I: Steven Adams – not going to be able to move him
Q: (1) Cole Aldrich – Just seems like someone who can be a monster to deal with in the run game. (2) Kyle O’ Quinn – former high school football player.
M: (LG) Joel Embiid – Because you can never have too many knee problems on a roster. Embiid/Exum 16′ (RG) Marcus Morris
– Because the only thing more important than getting Markieff Morris on your team is keeping Markieff Morris happy. Trust me, it’s in your best interests.
Defensive Tackle
J: Karl Anthony-Towns and Anthony Davis
G: Ian Mahinmi- Mahinmi looks like a mammoth among elephants in the paint at times. He’s chiseled and charged enough to beast the O-Line and engulf the opposition.
I: (1) Kenneth Faried – Don’t wanna block this ball of energy (2) Draymond Green – hopefully nut jabs are not one of his moves
Q: Kendrick Perkins – Need that mean in the middle of that defense
M: (1) Derrick Favors – So maybe somebody realizes how good he is. (2) Mirotic – His beard is delightful. His bark is every bit as bad as his bite.
Defensive End
J: Willie Cauley-Stein and Serge Ibaka – Running a 4-3, I wanted my defensive line to have the length to disrupt passing lanes and the skill to rush the passer.
G: Tyson Chandler. Chandler isn’t a spring chicken anymore, but his veteran know-how and never-say-die attitude will lead to a lot of good things on a football field.
Q: (1) Rudy Gobert – Could be good in the run, as a pass rusher and swat passes down at the LOS with his wingspan. (2) Draymond Green – A technician of sorts. Would be excellent as a smart defensive end who makes the right play.
M: (1) Denzel Valentine – Why not…? (2) Aaron Gordon – Because I’m not sure if there’s one player in all professional sports that can match up with him. Saying he’s got bounce is the definition of redundant and probably the biggest understatement of the week.
Linebacker
J: (OLB) Rodney Hood (OLB) Shabazz Muhammad (MLB) Jimmy Butler – Butler is the leader of the defense and will pace the squad in tackles. Hood and Muhammad are athletic and can cover ground quickly.
G: P.J. Tucker- Most linebackers are a little bit taller than 6-0 and close to 240 lbs. Tucker is 6-6, 245 lbs., and he’s a bruiser who welcomes contact and matchups against the opposing team’s best player.
I: (1) Lebron James – As long as he doesn’t flop, LeBron has the ultimate physique and body control to wreak havoc at linebacker. (2) Andre Iguodala – he will be everywhere
Q: (OLB) Michael Kidd-Gilchrist – A monster defender who could create havoc on the outside. (OLB) Rondae Hollis-Jefferson – See MKG. (MLB) Kyle Lowry – A big, roaming thumper who can make plays at the LOS. (MLB) Ricky Rubio – Smart cover linebacker who can make steals – in this case, interceptions – in coverage.
M: (OLB) Trey Lyles – Because I should probably know more about him. And my teams scouting department is elite. (OLB) Justice Winslow – Because I wish that the Sixers had taken him instead of Okafor. Not gonna make that mistake twice. (MLB) Hassan Whiteside – He can block shots better than Dikembe. But can he tackle?…We will see.
Cornerback
J: Matthew Dellavedova and Kentavius Caldwell-Pope. My corners are tenacious and can mirror opposing wideouts.
G: Langston Galloway- A grinding guard with decent height and defensive tenacity is a must at cornerback. Galloway checks all of those boxes.
I: (1) Kawhi Leonard – anybody going to question whether he can shadow and snatch any balls close to his big mits? (2) Avery Bradley – always focused, always in position
Q: (1) Kemba Walker – Quick, smart, good with the ball. (2) Emmanuel Mudiay – Crazy size for a CB; good with the ball + the physical tools
M: (1) Emmanuel Mudiay – As an expert in turnovers it’s only fair he puts that to good use. (2) Mario Hezonja – Hezonja. Hezonnnja. Say it again. It rolls off the tongue. Say it a fourth time. Do it in public. Whisper it in bed. Practice now, thank me later. Because thats gonna be a household name before you can say Mario.
Safety
J: Rudy Gobert (FS) Kenneth Faried (SS) – Gobert at free safety will hang back and prevent deep passes with his incredible length, while Faried will batter opponents closer to the line of scrimmage.
G: Lance Stephenson – You’ve gotta be a little bit crazy to play safety, and you also need a nose for the ball. Lance has both of those things going for him.
I: (FS) Tony Allen – Sneaky sneaky free safety (SS) Jimmy Butler – under control always aware
Q: Marcus Smart (1) Smart, tough, could make plays with the ball, as well as hit people (2) Kentavious Caldwell-Pope – Doesn’t get tired, can defend WR and TE
M: (Free) Richaun Holmes – The crown jewel of Hinkie’s collection. Guy can ball but can’t get on the court. Lets get him out onto the football field…If a log is jammed on a 10-win team, does it make a sound? (Strong) Jaylen Brown – Hated on the third overall selection of this years draft. But I sure as hell don’t question his athleticism. He runs both ways on this team. Might even have him take punt returns….on Mondays and Thursdays.
Kicker
J: Bismack Biyombo – A known soccer star, Biyombo has the leg strength to hit from anywhere.
G: Draymond Green – He has gained quite a reputation. He just needs to visualize and attack.
I: Steve Nash – bring him out of retirement
Q: Dirk – Plays soccer with Nash.
Punter
Q: no punts!
I: Chris Paul – he will drop the ball inside the 20 the same way he drops dimes
G: Sam Hinkie. If he’s half as good at this as he is at punting seasons, the NFL might need to outlaw it altogether.
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