STOP THE PRESSES AGAIN!! BREAKING NEWS FROM MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL!!

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Cutting Edge Baseball News From Around the Country and Around the World!
This Is N
ews You Can’t Legally Find Anywhere Else!

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BASEBALL COMMISSIONER ROB MANFRED WILL ADD MORE CLOCKS TO SPEED UP GAMES
In Additio
n to a 20 Second Pitch Clock on the Field There Will Now Be 20 Second Deadline Clocks Placed in All Stadium Restroom Stalls, and 10 Second “Medical Alert” Clocks Placed at All Polish Hot Dog Stands

 

TIM TEBOW NAMED PLAYER-MANAGER OF THE NEW YORK METS, WILL RECEIVE TEAM STOCK OPTIONS
“I’ve Never Seen a Kid Move Through So Many Levels So Fast,” Stated Mets Owner Jeff Wilpon. Wilpon Added that Tebow “Will Bat 4th, Play Shortstop, and Eventually Become the 46th President of the United States”

 

 SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS TO EXPLORE USING ADVANCED METRICS IN 2017
“Since 1883 We’ve Preferred to Eye-Test Everything”, Stated Giants GM Bobby Evans, “But Apparently Walks and Something Called ‘Exit Velocity’ are Important”

Until Now “Exit Velocity” at AT&T Park Was Only Used in Reference to Fans Who Consumed Too Many Churros and Garlic Fries

MORE RULE CHANGES IN 2018 ANNOUNCED FOR MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL
To Cut the Length of Extra-Inning Games, the 12th Inning Will Begin With the Bases Loaded, a 3 Ball Count on the Batter, and a Series of Vehicle Fires in the Stadium Parking Lot  

Following the Adoption of Automatic Intentional Walks, Pitchers Will Now be Able to Raise Three Fingers to Indicate an Automatic Strikeout, and Hitters Will Have the Option of Raising One Finger to Register their Opinion About Automatic Walks and Strikeouts

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