So I was thinking of doing a Bills/Ravens preview or giving you my hot take on what McCoy said yesterday about Kaepernick, but I wanna write about something I actually enjoy and that’s Game of F’N Thrones!!!
Cue the music and I command you to read this piece while playing the clip below.
[-d0-d0-do-do-do-do-do..0h I have to write now]
Yeah, so this season has been crazy. For the most part, I think fans have really enjoyed the season, but there’s been a few plot holes or “WTF is happening??” moments. I mean, we can base that on last week’s episode alone:
- Did the Knight King swing by a Home Depot or a S&M shop to buy those chains to lift up Viserion?
- With Gendry’s speed and being able to run in the elements, I think the Bills should sign him and make him Tyrod’s deep threat.
- Why is it taking forever for the White Walkers to get to the Wall when everyone is traveling fast as hell?
- When did those ravens become faster than planes?
- When did those dragons become faster than spaceships?
- Why the hell didn’t they just burn the Night King when he’s right F’N there.
- Why didn’t the Night King just throw his javelin to the closer dragon where Daenerys and her crew were at?
- That was seriously the stupidest plan of all time to grab a wight from beyond the wall.
All these are completely viable questions…but guess what? I DON’T CARE BECAUSE THE SHOW IS STILL AWESOME!! It’s like if you are a Pats fan and they win the Super Bowl, yet, you know they probably cheated. Yeah, so the show is cheating a bit, but I’m still happy and I’m not going to bother questioning the logistics. I will say the last episode was good, but I felt the dialog should have been better with all those characters coming together beyond the wall. I think the action has been great this year, but aside from Snow meeting Daenerys, I think the dialog has been kind of blah.
So, with that, let’s break down what I think is going to happen and some more fire takes!
Daenerys and John are finally going to fuck, right?
Are you ready for some hot Aunt on nephew sex?! Ugh. That sounds gross. But, fuck it! They do it in West Virginia, so we may as well do it in Westeros. We have all been waiting for this since day one. The sexual tension is thicker than Drogon’s tail. Now, there is a part of me that thinks they are just playing with our emotions by building all of this up and then decide to have someone die. Still, if there’s one thing this season has really lacked it is nudity and sex. Seriously, I think only Cersei got naked for like half a second and that’s been it. This has to be a record for the show. I mean, you can always count on Melisandre to get naked at least twice in a season. Nope. No boobs or dongs at all. I guess they don’t have time to have sex since they have to get to ‘insert next location’ as fast as possible. So, I feel that we are due for a hot love scene and this is going to be the one. Unless Bran comes in and says you guys are related and it becomes the ultimate cock block.
Chaos at Winterfell
Fucking Brandonfinger. I mean Littlefigner. As the norm, he’s playing his games with Arya and Sansa, but at this point, you gotta start pointing the finger at Ayra. Our girl has gone loco/bat shit crazy. This is something I called from the finale last year when she killed Walder Frey. Yes, we all wanted that Ralph Wilson looking motherfucker to die, but when Arya whacked him and she had the twitchy sensation going on, I knew our girl had watched one too many rated R movies as a child. I really don’t understand why she’s so pissed off at Sansa. Like get a grip.
No wonder Nymeria didn’t want to leave the woods to join Arya. In fact, with the way animals are getting killed on this show, Nymeria should just move to Dorne. For the longest time, Littlefinger has gotten his way with everyone and has never been outsmarted. I still feel this is some elaborate plan by Arya to get Littlefinger in the open, but this just feels like a lousy plan.
Still, there’s a lot of smoke here with the Starks for discord and blame. If there is one common denominator when it comes to the families of Westeros, it has been how eventually they all turn on each other.
- Tyrion turned on Cersei/Tywin or vise verse.
- Ramsey Bolton turned on Roose Bolton
- The Sand Snakes killed their uncle and cousin in Dorne
- Euron Greyjoy killed Balon Greyjoy
- Daenrys killed her dipshit brother
- Stannis Baratheon killed Rendley Baratheon, and cooked his poor daughter Shireen
- Jorah Mormont had a falling out with his dad
- The Gregg Williams Tarley dad hated Sam Tarley and sent him to the wall
- Lady Olenna poisoned her son-in-law.
- Liza Tully poisoned her husband John Aryn which basically started this whole war
So which family is conspicuous by their absent?
Oh, right. THE STARKS! They are the one family who hasn’t wanted to kill each other yet. Could it be that Sansa and Arya kill each other? Could they declare war on Jon Snow because he’s not Ned Stark’s son? Could Emo Bran have a bad trip and decide to kill everyone because he wants to talk to trees alone? Chaos is a ladder!
Theory on Bran
So GoT enthusiast Chris Ostrander (He won’t talk about it on Twitter cause it will ruin his brand) told me earlier this week about the theory going around the GoT universe that Bran is really the Night King. No way! But could it? I mean, he did touch Bran last year and they kind of dress the same if you watch the scene of them meeting the first time.
Additionally, he was the one who told Jon Snow via the ultra-fast Raven- that The White Walkers were moving to East Watch. Maybe he wanted Jon to go there so he could bring the dragons to make them zombies or maybe Bran sees the future and the Night King can see it as well through him. It was pretty coincidental how the Night King had three long-ass javelins at his disposal. Plus, Bran has been kind of useless this year. Like, dude, you can warg into anyone you want and yet he’s doing nothing. As #rocknwawrow would Tweet…hmmmmmmmmmm
Predictions for episode 7
- I think Night King is going to use Viserion to burn down the wall. In fact, I predict that’s the final scene that ends season 7.
- Please give me Cleagane bowl with the Hound Vs. Mountain in the dragon pits. I can’t wait for the scenes where everyone meets in Kings Landing. It will be the biggest scene in GoT ever.
- I think Littlefinger gets whacked. I think they have been laying it on real thick with the tension between Sansa/Arya. I think Littlefinger gets his. Please. FUCKING DIE ALREADY!!!
- Daenerys and Jon Snow are going to bang.
- Even though Littlefinger gets whacked, I feel Jon Snow is going to break up with the North because of his relationship with Daenerys and maybe they find out he’s not Ned Stark’s son. The writers once said it would be bittersweet how the series ends and I think it will happen when Jon/Daenerys are a unit and they go against the North. Again, Starks have never had conflict between them. Calling it.
- I think a Greyjoy dies. I also think that Cersei is telling the truth about being pregnant…BUT…I bet it is Euron’s kid. I’m willing to bet she got some after he delivered “The Gift”, twice. I also think Sam finds out his brother and dad were cooked.
- I am going to be nervous as fuck during this episode. Please. NO more killing dragons or wolves. #Allwolveslivesmatter and #alldragonslivesmater. Aside from Lady Olenna dying, main characters this season haven’t really bit the dust as they’ve in the past. It has been too quiet and I got a bad feeling about this episode. I only have two folks dying, but I feel a bloodbath is in order.