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The Sports Daily > Barry Melrose Rocks
Brought to you by booze

In the tradition of last year… remmeber, a big ol’ [sic]. This year, it’s in bullet points because I am lazy as hell. 

  • When you look at the LA Kings logo sideways, it looks like a wild animal or some sort of skull with teeth
  • Eveyrone has awesome beards except for  Zach Parise. He looks like he belongs on “Svaed by the bell: the millennium class”
  • At least Kings fans are cohearent enough to make a distinct chant.  The Devils fans had a “let’s go Devils” chant that sounded like “Let’s go, assholes!” I can tell when the Kings fans are chanting “Devils suck!”
  • I just learned that the only people left over on the Devils from the last Cup win are Martin Brodeur and Patrik “Captain Hepatitis” Elias. SO glad I’m not pretending to be a real broadcaster, because otherwise I’d have to know it all
  • AM I the only one who has issues pronouncing other uses of “Elias” because of Patrik Elias? I instinctively pronounce it as “ill-ee-AHSH”, even in other places, and people give me weird looks and their all “but it’s ‘uh-LIE-ass’” I am a dumbass.
  • That hit on Scuderi was rough. Besides, dude’s like a hundred years old, so it’ll take a while to heal
  • With the long hair and beard, Drew Doughty looks less fat than e normally does.
  • OH SHIT TWO GOALS. DIPSY DOODLES
  • Jersey’s coach just yelled “FUCKING COCKSUCKER”. I have also learned to read lips.
  • Why doesn’t Pierre LeBrun’s twitter profile have his picture with the “special” helmet? The one that tore away for fights? That would rock
  • I missed boobs? Dammit.
  • A few years ago,  I would have been pissed at the thought of a “sunbelt” team winning the Cup. Now, not so much. Then again, there have been hockey teams in LA (even not pro ones) since, like, the 30s, so whatever.
  • Jeff Carter scored AND took out the ref. Jeff Carter don’t give a shit.
  • Whatcha doing, ref? You’re not allowed to screen.
  • The porn star with the TIIIIIITTTTTTTTAAAAYYYYYYSSS behind the New Jersey bench is wearing glasses. That’s how you know she’s all smart and classy and whatever.
  • OMG blood is EVERYWHERE. A vampire’s dream come true.
  • Unlike a lot of Leafs fans, I don’t have any animosity towards the Kings for that non-call on Doug Gilmour. But then again, when that happened, I was 6 and not a real hockey fan.
  • I still can’t believe that “Animal Practice” is a real show on NBC. In it, a monkey is a doctor. Someone’s trolling us HARD. And they’re the best troll ever.
  • People are going to be fucked up form this series. There are some serious injuries going on.
  • This just might be the last game until, like September. And I hear people talking about a lockout or something? That would be AWFUL. I think I’d start punching people. I’d go on a throat punching tour.
  • I feel like this while series has been a fever dream, I can’t believe it’s real. What’s happening?
  • I am glad that gthere is a win on home ice. That is so cool
  • I don’t’ know many Kings fans, But congrats you guys.
  • A little tiniy bit of me feels bad for Ilya Kovalchuk, because he’ll be like a Russian Jeremy roenick,
  • I love goalie hugs. They would be the best cuddlers ever.
  • Fuck you, LA for using Black Eyed Peas for this celebration. “I gotta feeling”? Really?
  • Listen to the booos when Gary Bettman shows up
  • I cannot wait until I can feel a Stanley Cup win with the Leafs. I would be shaking and crying and vomiting rainbows of joy.
  • I like how the captains are always like “FUCK YOU BETTMAN IMMA TAKE THIS CUP AND BE FUCKIN AWESOME”