The Sports Daily > Barry Melrose Rocks
PSYCHE! Got You Losers Good!

Hahahahahaha! You thought I had forgotten about you. Losers. Wanted to stop by and say ‘suck it’ to all of you bloggers and readers out there. Kidding. I love you guys. I haven’t seen your pasty sunless faces in so long! You’re the fans and you’re what makes this sport run. That’s why I’m going to take back that silly little text message and bless you all with another season of JR. You’re going to get to watch one more go around from the best that American hockey has to offer. I’m going to team up with Joe Thornton, Cheech, Nabokov and we’re going to rock the motha truckin’ house. Why? Cause I’m JR. That’s why. I was the last person to lead the Blackhawks to the Stanley Cup Finals. The Blackhawks. THE. BLACK. HAWKS. They haven’t been a real team in, I don’t know, about 30 years.

I can’t forget about the teammates. I would have never come back to play for a non-contending pussy assed team. That’s why I’m with the Sharks. They rock. Nabokov? He makes CuJo look like a left-back third grader. Cheech? Can’t go wrong with a name like that. The guys is from Moose Factory. I don’t know what the fuck is up with that, but that’s awesome. Don’t forget about Thorny, Carle, Marleau (French for fucking awesome) and all those other knuckleheads. We’re gonna tear through the Pacific like Nicole Richie tears through a line of coke.

Now, you’re probably wondering; ‘oh great JR, what about last season when you had only 28 points in 70 games?’ Well kiddies, that’s cause JR didn’t give a flying fuck last season. The Coyotes suck. Plain and simple. You wouldn’t have given a rats ass either if you were in last place. Trust me.

So hang tight, kiddies. The season’s almost here. It’s almost time for you to sit your weakass down in front of the tube and watch God’s American gift to hockey. Suck it.


P.S. That Toskala trade; that was all me. I wasn’t going to play with that jerk.

Now back to your regularly scheduled blog. Bitches. _uacct = “UA-1868762-1”; urchinTracker();