You spent a crapload of money on beer and food throughout October. You spent a metric crapload on World Series tickets. You…no…you didn’t buy a Rally Squirrel shirt, did you??
Your bank account is fed up with the abuse; remember when it had a couple more columns? You even pushed back your meeting with your financial advisor, telling them “NoEverythingsFineGotLotsOfMoneyAlmostTooMuchMoneyHaHaHaHaHaHaHaGottaGoBye!”
You’ve had a couple weeks to let that World Series hangover fade away, thanks to ramen dinners and shopping at Aldi, but now Jon Hamm reminds you how much you’re going to be spending on Cardinal crap from now until Christmas:
Yeah boy. Next Tuesday the 22nd, this DVD comes out. The price tag could be $300, but you know you want it. We’re all buying this thing to re-live how awesome the last two months of our lives have been.
If one of you were to knock over the stand of DVDs at Best Buy and swim around in them, laughing and yelling “Fuck You Cubs,” would they stop you? How many others would join in? (Come on people, let’s make this a “thing.”)
Or if you really have too much money laying around, you can attend the premiere next Tuesday at the Peabody Opera House. Maybe Jon Hamm will be there in person? Maybe the Cardinal Cowboy? Same thing. Just be glad we didn’t get stuck with Rob Schneider for two hours like Giants fans.