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Kelvin-wan Kenobi – Jedi Master

When I floated this theory to Demond yesterday, he made a “wewhoo wehooo” sound and said it was the nerd alert klaxon. I found this troubling since just Tuesday he excitedly called me to let me know that he had purchased Mighty Muggs for both us (no, it’s not weird for guys around 30 to play with vinyl dolls. Not weird at all). Still, I’m ignoring his advice because I think this theory is sound:

With Kelvin Sampson slated to hear his fate later today (I’m betting on a suspension until the hearing and then he’ll be fired), I wondered what kind of effect his dismissal will have on Hoosiers in terms of basketball for the rest of this year. There are basically three possibilities:

1. Kelvin Sampson is Qui Gon Ginn
This means that when the trusted mentor departs, the protégé goes totally nuts. His presence still lingers, but not in any meaningful way. Faintly, in the distance, we’ll swear we hear his voice screaming, “Jordan! JORDAN! NOOOOOO!”, as Crawford careens down court at full speed and takes an ill advised jumper in a 1 on 3 situation. This is the most likely scenario. If the Hoosiers let Sampson go, it’s likely this team will jump the rails. He has a strong connection to these kids, but they will all be playing out the string before they can graduate, transfer or join the Association. This will lead to disaster.

#2. Kelvin Sampson is Count Dooku

This is a scary scenario. Sampson could try to convince his players that IU is evil and lead them down a dark path. He could try and sink the season out of a need for vengeance against the administration. The players could angrily go about their business and things could get real dark, real fast. I’m going to assume that Kelvin Sampson is an idealist and that this kind of program assassination is not in his nature. I hope I haven’t underestimated him.

#3. Kelvin Sampson is Obi-wan Kenobi

Strike him down and he becomes more powerful than you ever imagined. The odds are long, but what a story it would be. If somehow, despite his suspension, Sampson manages to encourage and inspire his young men to rise above the controversy and hit a one in a million run all the way to the NCAA title. It might be his only chance to survive the findings of the NCAA hearing. Just as Eric Gordon rises up to take the game winning three in the tourney, he hears Kelvins voice reminding him to find the open man. He changes his mind, whips the ball to DJ White cutting to the rim for a dunk, and they hang medals around the necks of the Hoosiers.

Remember Kelvin will be with you. . . always.

Demond Sanders: What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent post were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this blog is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul.