The Sports Daily > Days of Y'Orr
All the Kings Horses and All the Kings Men Couldn’t Put Rask Together Again. BRUINS LOSE.

This game was a bag of smashed dickholes smothered in anal sauce. This game made me want to find Tuukka Rask and shove a milkcrate so far up his ass he'd be shitting out Hood product for a month. This game was everything I hate about having to stay up super late for West Coast hockey. If this game was a person, I'd smother it with a pin cushion so I could watch the terror form in it's eyes. 

This game is the epitome is sucktitude. 

The Bruins look like hockey's version of schmegma. They were the Rodney King to the Kings' LAPD. It was embarassing. 

I know that hockey teams go through slumps, just holy shit, I didn't expect one of the highest paid goaltenders in the league to look like a back-up night in and night out through a west coast road trip. And don't start giving me the "they are missing Dennis Seidenberg" bullshit because losing one defensive player isn't going to disable a team unless they of the Chara caliber and there aren't many of those in the NHL. Dennis Seidenberg is replaceable. 

I get he's an integral part of the team, but I don't think having Dennis Seidenberg on the bench would have made Johnny Boychuk not whiff on that pass like Charlie on a breakaway in Mighty Ducks. Shit like that, coupled with Tuukka Rask allowing James Riemer like rebounds that no one can control is what is burying this team right now. 

Holy shit. 

That was the first goal of the game thanks to the aforementioned Johnny Boychuk miscue. 

Another angle of it, where Rask basically just pops the puck back to Jeff Carter for another shot at it. 

Watching that play makes me want to throw up. 

And if you thought it couldn't look worse for Rask, this happened: 

Justin Williams, with the puck, slipts David Krejci and Zdeno Chara and fucking roofs it on Rask. Good god. First off, someone fucking stop this guy? I dunno, it's just a suggestion. That's also a puck Rask needs to stop. 

Using gif playback capabilities, you can see the exact moment when Rask broke my spirit. 

Bruins go down 3-0 and Rask gets sent to – ah who the fuck cares he's garbage lately. Bruins send out Hi I'm Chad Johnson. 

The Bruins lost. They lost bad. It looked bad. It felt bad. If it had a smell, I'm sure it would have smelled bad. It was embarassing, but not as embarassing as the #BruinsFam "Godfather" on Twitter. So for those that missed it, our buds over at The Royal Half wrote the Kings preview, which gets put up on the Kings website. In every The Royal Half preview, they list good and bad opposing team follows. Here's the list: 

Now, if you're big into Twitter, you'll know that hashtag BruinsFam is something that people have used to identify themselves as Bruins fans, but guess what, it's fucking stupid. Have I used the hashtag in the past? Yup! I'm not gonna lie to you people, it was a good way to get DOY to people who have never heard of it, but holy shit do I think it's dumb. 

Oh and just for the record, we advised TRH on good and bad follows so if anyone has an issue with what he put, come at us, bro. 

In summation the game sucked, the Bruins suck, BruinsFam and suck and I need some water because I'm thirsty