Due to some form of lucky voodoo, the Bruins will face off tonight against the Ottawa Senators for the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. I couldn’t be more astonished and pleased that this has happened because I personally feel that the Bruins have the capacity to at least try to make a solid attempt at beating the Senators. I was more terrified that they’d end up facing the Capitals in the first round because as much as I think that the Bruins can win games, Brayden Holtby and his gorgeous manly beard spook me more than a little bit. Not to mention Alex Ovechkin et al. But, that’s neither here nor there because game one is tonight and it’s against the Ottawa Senators and that makes me feel a bit better. Not that the Senators are absolute garbage monsters themselves though, if I’m being honest. It’s not like they just happened to get into the playoffs because they were in the right place at the right time. I’m like 50% confident that the Bruins will win this series. Maybe more like 30%. I tried being an optimist once and it was painful so I’m just going to stick with my pessimism. That being said, prove me wrong, Bruins. Please prove me wrong.
The Bruins are heading into this first game without a couple of faces that have been around all season. Torey Krug is out, as is Brandon Carlo. Carlo has been slumping for a large part of the last half of the year and I was a bit curious to see how he’d respond when playoffs time hit. The sadness for me is that Krug will be out for this game, perhaps more to come. Not gonna lie here, I’m not even sure what the timetable is for his injury right now and I can’t really be arsed enough to google it at this moment. The only possible excitement from these two being out is that Charlie McAvoy is with the team. This kid is 19 years old and hopefully should be able to do good things out there, like he’s proven he is capable of doing on other teams. I’m not super stoked that he’s in Boston, I would have rather seen him stay in Providence for a bit and develop some there, but I get it. If he can come out and do wonderous things it’ll be worth it, I suppose.
Good lord, just look at his face in the above image. He looks like he’s just this 12 year old kid who’s still trying to figure out his life, just got his first pimple and is just starting to feel concerning things in his pantaloons in the middle of the night. He looks like he’s one minute away from an awkward boner in math class because the teacher leaned over and showed off some cleave and/or tasteful sideboob, not like he’s hours away from stepping onto NHL ice to play in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
Hmmmm… what else? Oh. Yeah. Brad Marchand is back after his two game suspension for aggressive sack handling and face kicking. I’m actually pretty excited to see Playoff Mode Brad Marchand this year. Hopefully it’s productive and he settles down and just plays the solid hockey he is more than capable of playing. Brad Marchand often reminds me of a puppy. No, not just that he’s adorable and I want to snuggle him. More like he’s excited and full of energy and wants to play but every so often he gets too overzealous and piddles on the floor, chews up your favorite shoes or shits in the middle of the hallway in the middle of the night so that when you get out of bed in the morning you step right into a big steamer and have to do that awkward hopping on one foot thing to the bathroom to clean it off all the while cursing him for being so stupid because at this point in the game he should know better. Goddammit, I love him so much.
I’m not going to go more into much else in this first preview really. Why? Because my darling Pez has already done that for you! If you haven’t read his very excellent series primer, please click here and educate yourself, fool.
I’m obsessed with the new Gorillaz music. These videos have nothing to do with the game tonight and I’m not even sorry.
DOY PLAYOFFS BRACKET
Come prove to us how smart you are and win yourself a thing! To join, click precisely here.
Because I’m coming to Boston in the near future and will definitely need bail money for when I persuade the boys to join me in drunken escapades.