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Some Game Four Keys To Success

It’s amazing how much better 2-1 feels than 2-0.  That being said, the Bruins are still a game behind, and getting a win in the 2nd away game in this series would be absolutely amazing.  A lot is being said of the time that the Bruins are spending in Lake Placid, but I’m not buying into that.  Whether practices are in Lake Placid, Montreal, or Boston, the Bruins need to win.

And yes, I get that it was the site of Team USA’s Miracle On Ice, but least we forget, it was also the site of this:

That movie killed a piece of my soul…

Anyways, there are a few players who need to either step of their game or find new roles on the team.  For example, after the last game Chris Kelly should audition to be the new PJ Axelsson of the Boston Bruins.  It makes sense, as much as we loved PJ, he wasn’t anything too special…until the other team’s goalie was pulled and he became a sniper.  Sadly the Bruins seem to have a hard time scoring even when there is no one in net to stop the puck.

But who else? After the jump, we look at a few.

Tim Thomas

Despite his…unorthodox style, Thomas has been an absolute beast this year.  There is, however one glaring weakness that seems to pop up every now and then, and that’s the wide open hole between his legs. The secret to Thomas being successful will be chastity. He’s been extra promiscuous as of late, what with his inability to keep is legs closed and his uncanny ability to rebound after men fire one off at him. The guy needs to be tighter.

Michael Ryder

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.  Ryder can best help the team by doing what everyone knows he can and should do, which is elevating himself to a whole new level. And by whole new level I mean the press boxes on the top floor. Seriously, I’m not saying that Seguin would have made any difference in the games we lost, but I’d rather see his rookie mistakes than Ryder’s veteran mistakes.

Milan Lucic

Things are bad when you have only one 30+ goal scorer.  Things are REALLY bad when he doesn’t show up for the playoffs.  Lucic is averaging over ninetine minutes of ice time this period, more than any forward, and how does he use it? He has 5 shots, 0 points, and is a minus 2.  Lucic’s keys to success? DO SOMETHING!

Patrice Bergeron
  Bergeron is the opposite of Lucic, so really he just needs to do more of what he’s doing. 1 goal, 3 points, 9 shots, 100% effort.  We love you Bergy, and we’re hoping for a playoff hat trick.

Zdeno Chara

Two words: DRINK WATER

Oh, and take something for those bowel problems!

Tomas Kaberle

Wow, is there anyone left who likes Kaberle?  Everyone was drooling over him when he first came to the team (and some time before then).  But it seems that we were the victims of false hopes and promises.  It’s hardly his fault that our expectations were that he was some sort of power play messiah that would deliver us to the promised land, but bottom line is that he needs to show us something immediately or…

Game Four is at 7pm tomorrow, looks like Days of Y’Orr will be hosting another live chat, feel free to stop in and add to the madness.  Details to follow!