Playoff Gameday 6: A New Kind of Goalie


Penguins @ Islanders

Islanders Lead Series, 3-2

Nassau Veterans’ Coliseum | Uniondale, NY

Wednesday, May 26 | 6:30PM Eastern


Holy fuck. Here we are again, facing elimination. After so much success, the counterbalance just hits different.

And the fashion of the loss in Game 5 is, of course, the most gutting. You’ve already read and heard and seen the dominant performance the Penguins turned in, only to see a few individual mistakes push the whole club to the brink.

You’re gonna die gonna die gonna die for your goalie that’s shit.

It’s not fair. It’s not fucking supposed to be. We know you’ll be back, though, because you can’t escape the attraction.

In what’s become a bit of a tradition, knowing that this may, in fact, be the end for the 2021 Pens, take another harsh shot of reality and mellow in the poignancy.

Then again, what good is it to tear everyone down? Really, all it takes is one win to push to a Game 7 for all the rhinestones. Fuck, the aftertaste of poignant must be hope. Because really, winning two in a row with the Penguins being as dominant as they are… it could happen, right?

I mean, they’ve got the numbers.

We don’t need no goal-scoring

Or your filthy, eye-test stained hot takes

We’ve got one thing you don’t have

We’ve got we’ve got we’ve got the CORSI!

The Penguins’ puck luck has to change at some point, right? They’re running out of track, but who’s to say that when the Penguins can finally get a dirty one through the Sorokin Wall, there aren’t 5 or 6 or 7 more behind it?

Speaking of goalies, though… If Casey DeSmith is healthy, you’ve got to think he gets the start. He’s not. And are you really gonna start Lagace? No. You aren’t. Even though that’s the one place they haven’t got the numbers.

Is this a topographical map of McArdle?


Guentzel – Crosby – Rust

Zucker – Malkin – Kapanen

 McCann – Carter – Gaudreau

Aston-Reese – Blueger – Tanev


Dumoulin – Letang

Matheson – Ceci

Pettersson – Marino

In Net


The Islanders can send the Penguins home for the second time in 3 years, and for the 3rd straight first-round exit. They can do so in front of fans on the absolute fucking hellhole that is Nassau Coliseum.


Komarov – Barzal – Eberle

Beauvillier – Nelson – Bailey

Palmieri – Pageau – Zajac

Martin – Cizikas – Clutterbuck


Pelech – Pulock

Leddy – Mayfield

Greene – Dobson

In Net


Ride or die.

And if it gets ugly, always remember:

Fuck Scott Mayfield.

Go Pens.

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