Report: Gailey the next Bills head coach?

-I’ve made countless jokes about the Bills having to go the XFL or CFL route for their next head coach. Instead, the Bills decided to go to the unemployment line. Mark Gaughan is reporting that the Bills are extremely high on Chan Gailey as the next head coach of the Buffalo Bills. Yes, Chan Fricken Gailey! I don’t even know where to begin. Do you?-

– I don’t care if Bill Cowher wanted him to be the heir apparent in Pittsburgh. Gailey is exactly like the Levy hiring, the Jauron hiring, and the Nix hiring-All uninspiring. If you think I’m being too negative, please show me anything on Gailey’s resume that inspires you-

–Gailey coached the Cowboys from 1998-1999, guiding them to a 18-16 record and two playoff appearances. Unfortunately, the Cowboys were thoroughly outplayed in the playoffs, going 0-2. Gailey was then ousted after just two seasons in Dallas. The firing had a lot to do with discontent amongst the Cowboys players. Troy Aikman wanted an offense that was built like the early Cowboy teams, deep passing outs after establishing the run. Gailey’s passing offense is mostly geared towards the short completions and four wide receiver formations. Aikman also wasn’t a fan of being in shotgun formations, which is one of Gailey’s criteria for his offense–

–Gailey’s best years as a coordinator came during his time in Pittsburgh from 1996-1997. The Steelers were ranked one and two in the NFL in rushing, and Gailey was able to make Kordell Stewart into a one-hit wonder in 1997. Of course, Stewart completely chocked in the AFC Championship game against the Broncos-

-After getting canned in Dallas, Gailey spent two years as the OC for the Dolphins (What’s with this guy only coaching two years in each place?). He coached some of those great Miami offenses, led by Jay Fiedler (Can you sense my sarcasm?). Gailey even coached Thurman Thomas in 2000 with the Dolphins. Oh great, I’m sure all the Bills fans who think the 90’s teams represent the Twelve Apostles will have their ears plugged to what Thurmanator thinks of this guy-

-BTW, the reason why those Dolphins teams went 11-5 was because of their young defense, not because of Fiedler or Gailey–

-Look, if you want a glass is half-full approach to Gailey, it’s that his teams all knew how to run the football. Heck, he even had Lamar Smith gain over 1100 yards in 2000 with Miami. But then again, he had Jerome Bettis and Emmit Smith running for him. All due respect, but even those two backs could get 1400 yards behind Kirk Chambers and Richie Incognito-

-If you’re thinking Gailey is going to revise the K-Gun offense, you’re sadly mistaken. From 1996-2002, Gailey’s passing offenses were ranked in the following: 27th, 22nd, 9th, 24th, 27th and 19th. His starting NFL quarterbacks read like this: Mike Tomczak, Kordell Stewart, Troy Aikman, Jay Fiedler, Brodie Croyle, Damon Huard and Tyler Thigpen. Ah yes, well at least we can say Trent Edwards is better than Brodie Croyle, or can we?-

-I guess I should mention his time in Georgia Tech. Well in a nut shell, he coached the team for six years, winning exactly seven games in five of those six seasons. Ah yes, 7-9 looks like it could be on the rebound next year. Gailey’s biggest claim to fame was that he couldn’t beat Georgia and played in a bunch of Bowls named after a computer or car rental place that I never heard of-

-I just can’t get over the fact that during the regular season, Gailey was doing the same thing as 10% of the country’s population, sitting on his unemployed ass. The guy was fired as the offensive coordinator in Kansas City in August! So the next coach of the Buffalo Bills was sitting on his couch and watching ESPN during the season. Awesome! Sorry, but I don’t care if he was fired because of Todd Haley taking over in KC. If his credentials are that well regarded, then he could have found a job as a consultant somewhere-

-I’d love for someone to ask Buddy Nix if Gailey was the team’s first choice? One can assume that this choice must have a lot to do with no one wanting this job. Gailey would be the perfect choice because he’s never going to be a head coach for the other 31 NFL teams. May as well include the eight CFL teams too-

-I wonder how Ralph Wilson’s introduction will sound. “Um yeah, so we searched high and low and decided that the best and only man in the clubhouse is Russ Grimm. What? He said no? Um… here’s the son of a former Bills player, our n
ext coach, Brian Schottenheimer. What? He’d rather be in Rex Ryan’s XXL shadow? Well, who the hell did we find!? Chan Gailey? He still coaches? Um, sure. I mean, Yeah!! He’s great and with a lot of LUCK, we’ll be talking 7-9 next year.”-

-BTW, why would the Bills keep last week’s interview a secret? Who the hell is going to try and steal Gailey from under the team’s nose? The UFL? Buffalo State College? John Cena’s Chain gang? Alice in Chains?-

-So this is the Bills version of cleaning house? Lets promote the guy whose been here for over eight years as the president of the team. Then promote a guy who was instrumental in drafting Aaron Maybin as the new GM. Then for the cherry on top, lets hire a guy who was sitting on his ass for the last five months. Typical Bills –

-FYI: My negative take on the Chan Gailey hiring has absolutely nothing to do with wanting Cowher and Shanahan to come here. Even if Ralph Wilson said that the Bills are in a budget crisis and are on the brink of moving if they hired Cowher, I would still be disgusted with this move. My view has nothing to do with getting a big fish to come to Buffalo, it’s about the Bills getting a fish that couldn’t even be used as bait-

-I wonder how much of Tom Modrak’s finger prints are all over this possible hiring? Modrak worked with Gailey in their years in Pittsburgh. While we are on Modrak, can someone explain to me why he’s allowed to put his hands on anything that resembles a pigskin? The Bills aren’t firing anyone, and the same people who’ve picked the players since 2001 are still in power. At the end of the day, even if the Bills hired Fraizer or Grimm, it would have been unfair for these coaches to put up with such a pathetic excuse for a Brain-trust. What a complete joke!-

-Judging from the message boards and the twitter pages, not that many Buffalo fans are in love with this hiring. Which of course means we are going to have to hear the countless number of fans calling into WGR and saying they are going to burn their season tickets. PPPPLEEEASSEEEE! We all know that Bills fans will keep showing up to One Bills Drive because of their love for football, their love for beer, their love for cheap tickets, and their even more love for beer-

-Lets just bottom line who exactly is Chan Gailey. He’s Dick Jauron’s “offensive minded” twin brother. He’s been fired at three of his last four jobs, he’s a mediocre coordinator, he’s lucky as hell to possibly be coaching an NFL team, and he’s a dull ass interview. Oh, and if you think Gailey is the type to march into Wilson’s office and demand an end to the Keith Ellison and converted safety era, think again. The guy was the head coach for Jerry Jones, whose motto is to speak when spoken to. Great! Simply awesome!-

-We’ve gone from talking about Bill Cowher or Mike Shanahan to now being able to say that Chan Gailey could be the Bills next head coach. I can’t even think of a metaphor to describe the scenario. Just…Buffalo, NY-