A Child Shall Lead

As I watched the end of the epic Celtics-Bulls series today, lots of thoughts ran through my demented mind. Like how Ben Gordon reminds me of the black hole pick-up player that you pray doesn’t hit his first shot because then the permanent green light in his head will become even greener. How if Joakim Noah grew up with a rich dad, then why didn’t he get braces? Or how Brian Scalabrine, with his looks and his play, has set the “white man got game” movement back decades.


But mostly I was disapointed I couldn’t see more of the point god battle between Derrick Rose and Rajon Rondo. No doubt these two are The Future of the Most Important Position in the Game Today. Even such an astute and wise commentator as Doug Collins (that’s the problem with the written word – sarcasm is hard to convey sometimes) stated tonight that point guards now rule the NBA world. And when you think of the five best young point guards in the game today, they are about as a disparate group as you can find.

Chris Paul
The Leading Man

Boy next door looks. The savior of New Orleans. So small and cute, with his puppy dog eyes and slight stature. Assassin on the court. Lightning quick. Equally adept and scoring or “dropping a dime”, as the kids like to say. Considered to be a really swell guy, despite giving Julius Hodge’s boys a love-tap while in college.


Deron Williams
Like, So 2007

First name is spelt weird, which can confuse some people into pronouncing it exotically. Was once considered to be Paul’s equal, but that sentiment is like so 2007. Built like a tank – you know, a tank with tons of tattoos that plays tough D and can score at will and run an offense. Pretty much forgotten about now, probably partly due to the fact he plays in Salt Lake City and his coach collects tractors as a hobby.

Tony Parker
The Villain
Could be the fastest player in the game, and is a proven winner. But, he’s a foreigner, and people don’t like foreigners. Especially ones with French accents. If that wasn’t enough for people to hate on, he is married to a famous actress, plays for the Spurs and women think he is sexy. Did I mention he released a French rap album?

Rajon Rondo

A superfreak, in both body and game. Huge hands. Quetzalcoatlus pterosaur-like wingspan (Wikipedia it). Just as likely to get double-digits in steals or rebounds than assists. Triple doubles ain’t no big thing to him. Goes after rebounds like a center. Shoots jumpers like a center.

Derrick Rose
Hometown Hero

Athletic marvel. Beep-beep quick. Jumps like the floor is a trampoline. Defensive menace. Can’t shoot a jumper to save his life. Painfully shy. Looks like his jaw is wired shut when he talks. For some reason is nicknamed after feces.
The big man is dead. Long live the point god. [ad]