Well, with every team in the East having played at least 2 games, it’s time to make some snap judgments about the teams in what is probably the fourth or fifth best conference in professional basketball.
Detroit (3-0): Stan van Gundy is on track to win coach-of-the year.
Toronto (3-0): Clearly, this team is going to three-peat as Atlantic Division champs, which didn’t mean much back when it meant anything at all. And now……wait, you’re telling me that some teams put up banners for these things?
Atlanta (3-1): Hey, let’s see how good this team is when the cop’s don’t break Sefolosha’s leg in the middle of the season.
Chicago (3-1): Savor these moments when management is not actively sabotaging you, Fred, they’re not going to last.
Cleveland (2-1): Did you know the Cavaliers’ 2015/16 season is “presented” by Discount Drug Mart? Given the nagging health issues with this team, this is incredibly appropriate.
Washington (2-1): Bradley Beal for President! Otto Porter for Secretary of Defense (well, maybe not…….)
New York (2-1): Kristaps Porzingis–more like Porzingis Khan, amirite? No? Okay, I’ll just show myself out. As Celtics fans, we should all hope that the Knicks are just good enough to keep PJ and Fisher in their current jobs for several more years.
Miami (2-1): Michael Jordan keeps getting edible arrangements from Mickey Arison, and he has no idea why.
Boston (1-2): Forget about Isaiah Thomas winning 6th Man of the Year. IT4’s going to be the first 6th man to win the League MVP.
Philadelphia (0-2): Eventually, we’re going to find out that the 76ers are an elaborate piece of performance art, a la Joaquin Phoenix’s beard and glasses thing.
Orlando (0-3): Have lost three games by a total of 9 points. Close only counts in horseshoes & hand grenades, Orlando, horseshoes and hand grenades.
Charlotte (0-3): Michael Jordan refused to draft a 6′-7″ hyper-competitive wing who went to school in North Carolina. If things get any more ironic, Alanis Morisette’s going to show up, and none of us want that to happen.
Indiana (0-3): Looks like the highlight of the year is going to be those Hickory jerseys.
Milwaukee (0-3): Apparently someone forgot to tell Jason Kidd the regular season started on Wednesday night.
Brooklyn (0-3): Work got you down? Remember that Andrea Bargnani is still on an NBA roster. So no matter how bad you are at your job, somebody out there is willing to hire you.
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