This time next week (Monday) will be Opening Day. Prepare yourself now.
First off, inform your place of work that you will not be there. Invent a grandparent to kill off, if you must. Cruel and manipulative? Maybe. Justified? Absolutely.
Next off, make sure you have food and drink prepared. It will not be a day for healthy eating so, uhm, buy some weights or something to use during commercial breaks to offset it, or something.
Okay, now, you need your clothes ready. You’d think this would be more important than food, but, let’s face it, unless you have tickets to a game, you are watching the action from a chair or a sofa or something, so it’s not like anybody is seeing you, so you could watch opening day completely nude if you want. However, that means you AREN’T A TRUE FAN. Where is your jersey, you faux-fan? Or at least a T-shirt! Jeez! WHAT KIND OF BASEBALL FAN ARE YOU?
And, finally, you need to let all family know that you are busy. Unless they are puking themselves to death or something, you shouldn’t be bothered. And even then, they better hope there isn’t a no-hitter going.
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LINKS!
Baseball players lose a lot of wedding rings, and no, this isn’t an article about divorce rates amongst athletes.
Matt Breen on the language barriers and ways through them in the Phillies clubhouse.
Did you know Kirk Nieuwenhuis almost died of a blood infection?
Joe Posnanski on Bobby Bragan and Jackie Robinson.
SELF-PROMOTION OF THE WEEK: Introducing the Out of The Park 2016 International Baseball Competition and its first part.
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Deep, random and totally useless thought: Every hitter could come up to the plate, say “I’m Batman,” and technically accurate. I call upon hitters to now do this. I want them to come to the plate and yell “I’M BATMAN!” at the top of their lungs.
Because…reasons.
See you Opening Day, everybody!
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As always, you can see more of my work over at Baseball Continuum.
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