What’s up Colts fans? Unless you’ve been living under a rock, then you probably already know the league announced its upcoming schedule yesterday. Although I may be a day late and a dollar short with this news, I’m not going to let it stop me. Besides, I’ve got to get the fingers limbered up for next week’s 4th annual first round draft diary.
Let’s start off by taking a look at the four primetime games during Week 1:
Thursday, 9/5: Guess I’ve missed the memo about the defending champs no longer opening the season as the first game, because this one’s Green Bay at Chicago. Noted bad teammate and coach destroyer Aaron Rodgers returns to face up against the Bears and former arch nemesis Charles Pagano. The last time Charles and Aaron squared off, Charles pulled one over on him, starting the game with 6 DB’s and causing general confusion. The Colts went on to win 31-26 in one of the biggest wins of Charles’ career.
Sunday, 9/8: Steelers at Patriots. Cris Collinsworth. Tom Brady. Ben Roethlisberger. Nah, I’m good.
Monday, 9/9: Texans at Saints followed by Broncos at Raiders.
There are ten teams scheduled for five primetime games each, and the league was kind enough to have four of them play each other to open the season – GB, CHI, PITT, NE – thereby doing fans a solid by killing two primetime birds with one stone. Three of the ten teams with five primetime games didn’t even make the playoffs last season. Bravo, NFL.
Teams have taken to social media and made an event out of the schedule release. I thought what the Colts did was rather boring – Just Andrew Luck announcing the games and reading random facts about each city. It was so typical Midwest. Boring.
Here are my three favorite schedule release videos in reverse order:
3) A very solid performance here by the Carolina Panthers
Wanna play a game? pic.twitter.com/mF5CeYnGUE
— Carolina Panthers (@Panthers) April 18, 2019
2) Pretty funny stuff by the Not Sandy Eggo Chargers, featuring a very solid dig at division foe KC
Should we REALLY make our schedule release video with stock footage?
yes yes yesyes
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yes yes yes yes yes
yes yesyes yes yes
yes yesye yes yes
yes yes yesyes pic.twitter.com/wAB8CdAfnB— Los Angeles Chargers (@chargers) April 18, 2019
1) Atlanta. Some Grade A trolling of the Saints here. I’m still laughing about it. Pay close attention around the 40 second mark.
Football is coming.
Full Schedule ➡️https://t.co/vNuHMKwxTs pic.twitter.com/Xb91bWV7dB
— Atlanta Falcons (@AtlantaFalcons) April 17, 2019
Alright, let’s dive into the Colts schedule…
First thoughts: It sucks. The bye week falls a bit early – Week 6. Only four teams have an earlier bye week. Unless the Colts are playing out west, there’s no need for any of these games to start later than 1 PM. That’s right, get off my lawn with your primetime games. Why do I hate the Colts in primetime? They’re almost always playing on the road. Do we really need the Colts at Houston in primetime every year? No. The other thing that annoys me about these games is the announcers you get don’t know what the hell they’re doing. I can’t even imagine how disastrous the Week 5 SNF game at KC is going to be with Cris Collinsworth spouting off a bunch of stuff that’s just plain wrong.
There are also two 4 PM games, which is also just wrong. I realize the home game against Denver in Week 8 is probably a national telecast, but you know what? Those people in Denver can watch a game that starts at 11 AM local. No reason to cater to them. They’ll still be drunk from the night before. Trust me on this, schedule makers. The other late afternoon start is a home tilt against the Dolphins, which just makes zero sense.
I’m not a fan of opening up on the road the first two weeks, but it evens out during the heart of the season, with the team playing four of five at home from mid-October through mid-November. Two of those games are division games, and all five are conference games (the lone road game is at Pittsburgh), so this will be an important stretch.
The season wraps up with five games in December. At least three of those could be important – home against Tennessee, at New Orleans, and home against Carolina. If the Jags are able to rebound with Nick Foles, the season finale in Jacksonville could be a big game as well.
Please note that while this article was written with some heavy sarcasm, I still hate primetime games.
Get off my lawn (insert laughing emoji here)
See you soon, Colts fans
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