To each one who voted for the Blogger Awards, thank you! There were over 200 voters, and the voting for some of the awards was extremely close.
Below is the “transcript” from the 2016 Blogger Awards ceremony.
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Welcome to the first ever Blogger Awards!
Just think about all the basements that are empty across North America tonight! [Groaning from the audience]
We were gonna get Dennis King to host this thing, but he said he’d be busy tonight. Apparently he has to write new Griffin Reinhart jokes.
Robin Brownlee is in the house, everyone! Robin, would you mind unblocking me on Twitter?
Is Richard Cloutier here? No? He’s launching a brand new blog tonight?
What about Ryan Batty? Is Ryan here? Where’s Ryan? He’s stuck in traffic?
Folks, let’s give a big hand to the kitchen staff for the fantastic Blogger Awards Dinner. [Clapping from the audience] Obviously Dallas Eakins obviously wasn’t in charge of the menu.
So should we start handing out awards?
Let’s do this!
The Corsi Award
Our first award is the Corsi Award. This award goes to the blogger who writes the greatest quantity of blog posts (regardless of quality). And the nominees are…
And the Corsi Award goes to Lowetide (42.9% of the votes)!
We’re told that Lowetide can’t accept the award right now. He’s currently backstage finishing up his “Draft Post No. 163.”
The Most Influential Blog Series
Sometimes a blogger writes a series of posts so special that it causes us to change the way we think about a certain player or subject. The winner of the Most Influential Blog Series Award is such a blogger. The nominees are…
And the Most Influential Blog Series Award goes to Cam Talbot’s favourite blogger Woodguy (48.4% of the votes)!
Before tonight’s ceremony, the following awards were handed out via Skype.
The Comments Section Award, for quality comments over a wide variety of blogs, was given to GCW. GCW wanted us to announce that, in his opinion, the Oilers would be smart to sign P. A. Parenteau to a one-year contract.
Some hockey fans have chosen not to waste their time blogging about hockey and have instead chosen to waste their time tweeting about hockey. The Twitter Award went to Tyler (@akaRCN).
The Dustin Penner Award, given to a blogger who dreams up the most offer sheet scenarios, was awarded to Speeds. In an ironic twist, Speeds has resisted offers to sign on with a blog franchise.
The Panic Award (sponsored by the Taylor Hall Trade Rumours) was too close to call. There were too many good nominees for this award.
The Prospect Coverage Award went to Blue Bullet Brad. Right now Brad is working on a formula to predict the next great Oilers blogger.
The Photoshop Award was given to Visually Better. (Truth be told, we gave him this award so he’d do some free work for us next year.)
The MSM Award, given to a member of the mainstream media who has given positive recognition of the work of bloggers, went to Bob Stauffer (except for when he’s impersonating “analytics geeks”). My “guess” is that Bob does not have a lot of interest in this award at this time.
The Please Come Back Award
For most, the blogging life involves spending countless hours typing on a computer for little or no pay. Why would anyone quit? The Please Come Back Award is awarded to the blogger who has exited the blogging scene whom we would most like to see return. And the nominees are…
And the Please Come Back Award goes to Romulus’ Apotheosis (31.1% of the votes–a very close vote)!
Please come back, Rom. Please. You other guys too.
The Blind Love Award
The Blind Love Award (sponsored by Martin Marincin’s mother) goes to the blogger who exhibits an undying love for a current or former Oiler. And the nominees are…
Jeff Chapman of Copper & Blue: Linus Omark
Matt Henderson of OilersNation and Hockeybuzz: Martin Marincin and Nail Yakupov
Megan Fowler of The Oilers Rig: Taylor Hall
Lowetide of Lowetide and OilersNation: Marc-Antoine Pouliot
Did David Staples just walk out because he didn’t get a nomination for his infatuation with Jamie Oleksiak? No? Oh, he’s blogging about it? With a poll?
And the Blind Love Award goes to Megan Fowler (37.0% of the votes)!
The Anger Management Award
Bloggers are usually mild mannered folks. But sometimes certain people or situations can drive them over the edge. The nominees for the Anger Management Award are three such people. And the nominees are…
Godot10 of Lowetide (comments section): Dallas Eakins (aka “The Dementor”)
Bruce McCurdy of Cult of Hockey: Dustin Brown and NHL referees
Robin Brownlee of OilersNation: OilersNation commenters (Fist!)
And the Anger Management Award goes to Robin Brownlee (39.3% of the votes)!
Folks, I’ve just been informed that there’s been a request for us to pick up the pace of this ceremony. Bruce needs to go outside in 30 minutes to look at a comet.
The Tyler Dellow Memorial Award
It’s bittersweet when a blogger gets hired by an NHL team. We’re happy for their success, but we’re also sad we won’t be able to read their posts any longer. The Tyler Dellow Memorial Award is awarded to the blogger whom we think is the next blogger to get hired by an NHL team. The nominees are…
And the Tyler Dellow Memorial Award goes to Woodguy (34.2% of the votes–another very close vote)!
The Troll Award
With apologies to Dustin Bansy, there can only be one “winner” of the Troll Award. Folks, it has to be given to the man who’s been banned from more blogs than Kevin Lowe has Cups. You know who I’m talking about. The Troll Award goes to DSF of Dead Cat Bouncing.
Unfortunately DSF couldn’t be here tonight. He’s currently at home writing a post about how the Oilers will never be able to sign Jason Demers, and even if they do, he won’t be what they need.
The Unicorn Award
The Unicorn Award is given to the blogger who is most vocal in his or her support of the Oilers dressing three scoring lines. The nominees are…
Jonathan Willis of Cult of Hockey and OilersNation
Lowetide of Lowetide and OilersNation
Woodguy of Woodblog
And the Unicorn Award goes to Lowetide (50.7% of the votes)!
[Lowetide begins his acceptance speech, “I would like to thank the aca–.”
Woodguy grabs the mic from Lowetide and says, “I’m gonna let you finish in a minute, Al, but I just wanna say one thing first. Yesterday I counted all the times ‘unicorns’ is found on the blogs, and I discovered that I have a 54.7% mention rate. Also, I think I was the one who actually invented the term ‘unicorns.’ But I’ll be gracious in defeat. Here’s the mic, Al.”
“Steve Smith” jumps out of his seat and yells, “I DON’T THINK ‘GRACIOUS’ MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS!”]
The Slide Rule Award
The Slide Rule Award is awarded to the blogger who is most proficient in his or her use of advanced stats. [Heckling is heard from someone in the audience] Pipe down, Brownlee! Yes, they watch the games!
The nominees are…
G Money of Oilers Nerd Alert and Beer League Heroes
Sunil Agnihotri of The Superfan and Copper & Blue
Woodguy of Woodblog
And the Slide Rule Award goes to G Money (40.2% of the votes)!
[Someone in the audience repeatedly yells, “NERD!”]
Security, please escort Mr. Brownlee out the building.
Rookie Blogger of the Year Award
Every year we see new and impressive talent entering the blogging world. This year was no different. The nominees for the Rookie Blogger of the Year Award are…
And the 2016 RBOY is G Money (42.9% of the votes)!
The Most Respected Blogger Award
People who comment on blog posts are often quick to tell the blogger that he or she is an idiot who obviously doesn’t know anything about hockey. There are a few bloggers, however, who are always given a lot of respect no matter what they write. These are your nominees for the Most Respected Blogger Award:
And the 2016 MRB is Lowetide (61.2% of the votes)!
Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes the 2016 Blogger Awards. If you’re unhappy about anything regarding tonight’s ceremony, blame Woodguy.